In the garage, with a shotgun, a rubber chicken, my cat, a RealDoll named Tsuki, a 6oz swordfish steak, a Captain Caveman decoder ring, a picture of the 1973 Dodgers, Zoomie's foot fetish, the occasional stripper to beat me up, 5 nicotine patches, a vial of Family Guy Anti Bacterial Soap, the occasional call from Suze, the occasional smoo, Avast AntiVirus, Mosh's Magical Marsupials, a bottle of Crisco, Spybot - Search & Destroy, the dude who pooped in the tuba, a PitBull named "Diesel", a limited edition 'Tickle Me Elmo', a Darth Vader mask, Terry Fader's turtle puppet, a bag of Ol'Roy dog food, a $5 gift certificate to "Biz-E-G's 'Lapdances and Laundry'", Lisa Lisa from the Cult Jam, the fabled "TSi CockRing Set", the new TSi "Paddle Me Palin" doll, a 250cc syringe full of empscum, a "Hello Kitty" tongue piercing kit, a pirated copy of WinRAR, a roasted turkey leg, my "Police Squad" box set, and K_o_C's non-used tube of Anal Eaze, I feel safe ...
You've got a '65 Chevy Malibu With automatic drive A custom paint job, too
I'll trade you for my old wheelbarrow And a slightly used sombrero And I'll even throw in a stapler, if you insist...
Craigslist! I'm on Craiglsist, baby, come on! Yeah!
Well we shared a quick glance Saturday at the mall I never took a chance Never approached you at all
You were a blonde half-asian with a bad case of gas I was wearin' red Speedos and a hockey mask Come on, let's find that love connection that we missed
On Craigslist! Yeah, Craigslist, come on! I'm on Craigslist Oh, baby, maybe you are too! Be bom ba chomb cadonk bin bam boo!
An open letter to the snotty barista at the Coffee Bean on San Vacente Boulevard: I know there were twenty people behind me in line, But I was on a cell phone call with my mother. Didn't you see me hold up my index finger? That means I'll order my soy decaf hazelnut latte in just a couple minutes. So what's with the attitude lady? No tip for you!
Got a trashcan of Styrofoam peanuts You can have 'em for free You can drop by on the weekend And pick 'em up from me But the trashcan ain't part of the deal Only givin' you the peanuts, get real! Don't have no Hefty bag so bring your own, Don't bug me with questions on the phone Don't ask for help, don't waste my time And don't complain, 'cause they won't cost you a dime Just ask yourself: Do you want my Styrofoam peanuts? You can have my Styrofoam peanuts. Do you want my Styrofoam peanuts? You can have them all.
They're on Craigslist, yeah! Craigslist! Ow, baby come on! I'm on Craigslist, Craigslist, Craigslist! I'm on Craigslist, Craigslist, Craigslist now!