My greatest fear is my body may live longer than my mind because both of my grandmothers went insane 10 years before they died in their 80's. .....I continplate suicide at age 69 for that reason.
My soul is good.
My friendships are deep and solid or they pass quickly in aqaintance status.
I leaned over to get my books out from under my desk and farted on the kid next to me on the first day of school.
There was a time I wanted to die of methamphedine usage because that was what I thought I was going to be forver anyway..a drug addict.
Sometimes I'm afraid of my honesty on the net. Then I remember the first amendment, and hope it may help someone else somewhere that I spoke the truth.
I can't figure out moderation, it's like trying to steady a ship during a storm....or herd cats! *smiles at love*
I hope lovernios finds his dream girl because he seems like a good person.
Before I quit using drugs, I sincerly wished for a padded cell, so I would'nt loose things and have to look for them.
My heart is like a castle full of rooms where people I love live inside me. ...If for any reason we split up for disagreeances, even hurt or betrayal. I put dust covers in their room and close the door in case they return. then, I just open the door again....and everything is still right there.
otherwise kept forever and ever in rememberance of why it was built even if they never return. ..............I have a very large heart house.
I have an aura of goodness that people comment on all the time thats apparently very attractive.
I'm a bitch in the morning.
I'm a crybaby if I get hurt.
I have so many talents I don't know which one to pursue because of my disorganized brain.
I can write, sing, draw,paint, and have invented many things I needed for any givin problem. I'm also a very gracious hostess and love to welcome people, and serve them.
....but I can verbally clear a room in two seconds if someone is causing problems or should'nt be there.
I hate math.
I think thrash and asp are amazingly intellegent and actually get kind of excited to read what they wrote when I see they've posted.
My favorite game is six degree's of seperation, I would feel slapped if =thrash= told me to stop playing it with queenoftheunderground and thesuziemonster. (my self) when no one has played it when I get here.
I can't belive vonevil has become estranged, and I still have a cyber dust cover over his cyber room in my cyber heart.
I say I don't care if seskel hates ringo but....
Arc is my best internet friend...she introduced me to you and many other things about the puter. ...I'm feeling her stress with her refugees at her home, and the possibility of her family being hurt by rita.
I love the beatles so much I cry when I see them on DVD's because it looks like they are still here but they are'nt.
I feel bad for the people who loved the rat pack, having survived the loss of their heros means they probibly lost all their friends too.
......meg is beautiful and deep in her thinking, I see her heart easily and her golden spirit.
arron's spirit feels so familiar to me, maybe me and meg and arron have the same capacity for love and acceptance.
I wish I could drop chewable valium from an airplane over the people who are scared they may loose it all.
I lost it all, but it was at my own hand.
I wish I could save the world,but I think the apocolypse is at hand.
My mind is like a hallway lined with doors with my best advisers inside. when I have a problem... the doors start opening and many points of view on the subject are yelled at me from these doors. one door is my uncle robert, one is my mom, one is my dad, the rest are people I look up to and what they might say is what is said. ...at the end of the hall theres a big mahogany door that is very ornate .."Gods suzie" or my super conscience ...is in there deciding which is the best solution of all the suggestions.
the doors are opening and shutting all day. I hope I'm dead when they all stay shut.
Joined: Wed Mar 16 2005, 01:18am
Location: in a Finnish goat hut north of the Arctic circle
Posts: 1534
Meg, oh Meg. You are a cool nerd to me. Blah, get published, live it up because you still probably have white walls in your bedroom. I can tell you love your internet friends because you took the time to be so clear, and it is appreciated here ... It's a bit of an inspiration this meandering ... I'm not sure you want mine, but you'll get it soon, maybe tonite, maybe tommorow night.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
AspHole: steaks on the bar-b... ThrashInc: nice ThrashInc: what kind? AspHole: barbecue... duh!
ThrashInc: nonono, what kuht uv meet ThrashInc: Suze: I think thrash and asp are amazingly intellegent and actually get kind of excited to read what they wrote when I see they've posted.
Joined: Wed Mar 16 2005, 01:18am
Location: in a Finnish goat hut north of the Arctic circle
Posts: 1534
satan is man and man is the bastard and the mother of life is a whore
i don't think it's about talent, i think it's about truth
tenacity and irrepressibility are good, but one is learned and one is natural
i don't hate much anymore, though bitter whimsy is always heartwarming
metal is life
i've been dizzy with lonliness lately, with no where to go and nothing to do but i'm always in such a stupid rush to get there.
i love my job but my job fucking sucks sometimes. i don't function well with extra crap to do sprung on me last minute. i can see how people can lose their heads working in the postal service, you are always asked to do things that are completely annoying. It's all true, i will write a book one day, these people are all Lulu McNutty.
I could NOT sleep lastnight, and it didn't bother me a bit
I am thinking I creep people out, for whatever reason. If you think I'm creepy, you haven't met enough people.
when i was 4, i remember bursting into tears and wanting to go home on Holloween, scared shitless.
the same thing happened going into 6th grade at the 4th straight new school in a row.
i'm actually *still* a decent athlete, and with some practice (to get my wind lol) i'm a pretty tricky bastard, though i don't trust my outside shot for shit, i pass all the time and i'm a scrappy annoying defender lol i LOVE a good game of full court basketball.
never broken a bone, other than my skull
the funniest guy on tv right now is stephen kulbear
Just because i wanted to spend time with a girl i like,Ive gotten fired and possibly lost her,It all backfired....
Im upset to turn 19 on the 28th of the month because i havnt accomplished what i want to...
I feel i will probally NEVER accomplish what i want to no matter how bad i want it.....
I wish i had real friends and people that i could trust in...
I want a meaningful relationship with a woman i love and can confide in...
Sometimes i get so discouraged with even the most positive aspects of my life,And feel like im a looser in even the best things that i do....
Ive always wanted a big scar on my face but im not screwed up enough to start cutting myself....
What would it be like if i got some large tatoo on my back or upper arm?I want to get one eventually...
Life is almost the exact same for me everyday and i hate it,I wish things could just change,I wish i could just do things at a moments notice but when i tried to do that today it all just backfired...
I cant decide if i want to be a rebel or a straight clean cut guy or someone in between...
Im very self concious of my ears,They stick out too much....
forgotten, nice post ....thats funny, I was born with a forceps scar on my cheek I've always hated, now that it's fading, I know I'll miss it when it's gone. ..........................bill murry and frank sinatra have one like mine. looks like a roach clip pulled my head out of my mom, because thats what forceps are.. ....big hemostats.
lovernios, I love your "nowhere to go and nothing to do but in a stupid rush to get there" I can totally relate. for the first time since I split with my ex I actually found I'm ...uh. ............well, I'll be careful what I wish for.
meg, thats funny you knock people over cause you can....*snickers*
............. they were all great so far, and I enjoyed reading them.
It's warm in my room right now or I'm getting warm from wearing a hoody and chatting with Meg...
The Bears got their asses handed to them today and it was sad.
The Cubs and Sox both won however... that's good!
My dog was put down last Tuesday... I didn't get to say good-bye to her and I'm just to the point now where I can think about it without breaking out into tears.
This has been a shitty year for Aaron and I can't wait for 2006 to wash away 2005 from my battered mind.
I hate living with my parents still but I do what I must to achieve my plans in the conceivable future.
I wish I had more friends that lived closer to me so I would actually get out of the house more than once a week.
My job has sucked all creative energy out of me and I've lost all inspiration to create.
I play way too many video games.
When I see an attractive girl my immediate reaction is sadness ... thinking I'll never be good enough for anyone.
I hate making an effort to be social or chatty with someone and not having it returned.
Being in your mid-20's sucks... it's like everyday I'm at a crossroads trying to decide what I want to do with my life when instead I should be enjoying the time I have.
More about being in your mid-20's... I'm really starting to feel this pressure manifest inside me that I NEED to be in a serious relationship... wtf?
I constantly go back and forth on the concept of marriage in my head... one minute i'm adamently against it and the next I like the idea.
I want to go back to school for my master's but I can't decide if I want to persue a science degree (which will do me very little good in my career) or go for a degree in education so I can teach college level technical courses and avoid the bullshit of the ego-ridden corporate world.
Water is good...
Bittorrent is also good...
I found what Meg wrote about me to be very uplifting and I actually said "awwww"... God, do I just want to hug that girl tight and protect her from evil-doers. She rocks!
If I believed in such things as best friends or internet best friends, that title would go to Mike... he rocks too and is always willing to listen.
I want to send love Dave's way too for being an inspirational hero for the rescue work he's done. That guy has some serious huevos for being called on to do what he does.
Lost is a great tv show... the first season dvd set rules and last week's season 2 premiere made me creme my pants.
OK, I have to wrap this thing up now and busy myself with a) porn b) video games or c) tv... Survey Says! ... Video Games!
Sometimes I like to be around people... other times I like to be alone...
I am a quirky individual...
sometimes I think i'm the smartest person alive..... then I usually do something stupid...
I like to say that i'm a people person, but I think humanity is doomed..
Music is my outlet... now I need to learn how to make it
I love my truck
I'm quite happy with my life thusfar, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, there's only a few things I would do differently..
they say reality is for people that can't handle drugs, but the same can be said of the reverse...
I have several friends whom I have never even met face to face... and my best friend lives around a thousand miles away....
Sometimes I get deja vous..
Stewie rocks!
I don't know if there is anything for a member of my family (extended or biological) that I would not do...
I FIRMLY believe that there should be a law made and passed that dictates that if some jackoff does something stupid in traffic and ALMOST caused an "at fault" accident with you because of it, you should be able to park in front of their car at the next nearest intersection and be allowed to beat the hell out of them in front of their family, or whomever else is in the car with them...
There is a law being passed effective the first of october that mandates that drivers who talk on the telephone while operating the vehicle need to use a hands-free device.. I think this is bullshit... you should *NOT* be allowed to use the phone whilst driving... most of the jackoff's use them and almost hit me all the time.. I think this law should be coupled with the one I just proposed above..
I get the feeling those last two statements will be quoted a lot by many people...
While i'm on the subject area, there is also an amendment to the law above stating that if you've had your license less than two years, you are not allowed to even operate a cell phone in the state of connecticut while you are driving, hands-free or not... THIS is a good thing... I, personally, don't believe that someone who is sixteen or seventeen *NEEDS* a cell phone to begin with...
Most people knock the president... I do too... but I don't know if I could ever actually do his job the way he does... I mean, those 247 working days he did last year has to be quite strenuous... I don't know what I would do with all that free time...
I'm not usually a pollitically correct kinda person... nor do I really care to be...
I think I do a good job at what I do for a living...
I love the comedy stylings of Rodney Dangerfield (RIP), George Carlin, and George W Bush because he's a freakin' tool...
I must not be a great american because I don't really like a lot of Disney cartoons or movies..
I can be the life of the party if I chose to be....
People need to learn to stop mistaking greatness for egotism....
A person can be Brilliant... but PEOPLE are fucking stupid...
You can tell someone that the iron is hot, and they'll believe you... But if you tell them the paint is wet, the HAVE to touch it...
The problem with lawyers is that we have them...
there are too many lawsuits going on today... it's getting to the point where you can sue someone because you don't approve of their haircut...
According to Philosophy, you are all here because *I* want you to be here... so how's it feel to know the whole world revolves around my whims...
Cheers was my favorite weekly sitcom... I think they need to bring that back...
Most spin-offs look good on paper, and that's usually where they should stay..
if I wanted to go down the street and listen to something thumping constantly, I'd lock someone in my freaking trunk... TURN DOWN YOUR FUCKING STEREOS..
I was walking into a store a few years back, and this jackass parked in the firelane with just such a stereo playing... and I was walking near this old(er) woman.. she was as disgusted as I was at this display of aparent arrogant self worth of this punk to do this judging by the look on her face... Then, she looked in the car as she was passing, and saw a carseat strapped in the back seat... EVERYONE was blown away by this... the car was THUMPING so hard you can hear it across the parking lot, and this FUCKING MORON has a KID in the back... I have NO SHAME In telling you all that I LAUGHED MY FUCKING ASS OFF when the lady I was walking near, went inside the car window (open, of course) turned off the radio, took the keys, and threw them down a storm drain... The unthinking dickhead had NO CLUE where they went because he did not see what happened... I was so impressed at all this, the lady went in for something small, and *I* paid for it for her... I don't know if I would have had the brass ones to do that...
To my friends, I am generous... to my family, I'm there...
I really liked this idea of meg's to have this forum topic... I think it will fair well...
I like calling people "a good kid" wether their older than I am or not...
being a manager is quite tough for me sometimes... .I usually find it the toughest when I get a directive from my corporate office and have to relay it to my crew... I usually have to "dumb it down" first so they won't be AS pissed...
I have no doubt that in a few years time, i'd make a good father... but i'm not in ANY hurry to try to prove it....
I think my favorite quote from any movie came from "Parenthood"... a young Keanu Reeves said "You know, ... you need to be a certain age to drink and to vote.. Hell, you need to have a license to drive a car.. but they'll let any butt-reaming asshole become a father."
Sometimes I think being "Uncle Dan" would be cool... but then I look at my two brothers and shudder at the idea when I think about it again...
Surprisingly, for someone who never wanted kids, Dave is actually quite good with the little tykes...
I thought i'd have run out of things to say by now...
I need to clean my desk..
Thrash is an accomplished musician, a danger seeker (of sorts), likes to cliff dive and so on, and loves to help out in disaster situations.. our other brother has a dual-major degree in mathmatics and philosophy (so he can tell you 2 + 2 = 4, and why), and after getting out of college, hitch-hiked across the continental U.S. (Twice!).................................. and I like to color...
nobody will ever rightfully accuse me of not being a good listener.... 'cept my girlfriend.... at least, I *THINK* she'd say something like that...
I like to put people in a good mood.... it's easier to fuck with them that way... if you keep them laughing, you can insult them, mean it, and they think nothing of it.. I do it to my boss all the time..
One has to wonder, and can't help but think about it.... When the famous saying "The time is now" was first uttered... did anyone stop to think about all the timezones.... OF COURSE the time is now SOMEWHERE..............
I love to hear people's good ideas... sometimes I need the laugh..
I like to hear about people's bad days... sometimes I need the laugh..
Most women I know get pissed at you because you take something they say for face value, and not for "What (they) meant by it"... I'm not fucking Kreskin.... I can't read your fucking mind.... if you want me to know what you mean by a statement, FUCKING SPELL IT OUT FOR ME....
Everyone pisses me off.... to what level is usually the key...
Somewhere, a psychiatrist is reading this and saying "We have some drugs that can fix you"... Fuck off! I don't need drugs... I need people to be fucking smarter ...
Sometimes I get deja vous...
despite what I seem to be with all this above, I am actually quite a sympathetic person.. I have helped many people on this very board with problems that they thought would have meant the ultimate demise of something in their lives... and thanks to me and the advice I gave them, everything is still in tact with them...
Sometimes, I like to 'toot my own horn'.... But, then again, I believe everyone has the right to brag a little...
Sometimes i'll look at someone and think to myself "Man... this poor douche-bag beat out a million other sperm..."
I think the best insults are subtle ones...
I am in NO WAY a fan of body piercings.... Bellybutton rings, in my eyes, do not make the wearer look good... nor do nose, eyebrow, or lip rings.... they annoy the FUCK Outta me... I just want a take a pair of pliers and rip them outta the persons's skull.... "Pardon me.. you've got something on your face... i'll get it... *RRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP* here you go.... good as new... oh, Stop screaming.. it's not that bad... *Pours peroxide on it* here you go.... NOW you can scream, SALLY!"
i'm getting kinda bored, so I'll end this post and perhaps pick it up again later....
Im a huge fan of the matrix series and video games,Knowing full well that most of them sucked i still love them...
My computer is my baby and is kept in tip top shape,Covered at night and Is in my eyes perfect,I also spend FAR FAR too much money almost constantly upgrading it to keep it top of the line.
I have a rather large collection of rare video games and systems,Lots are imported...A short example is: Gamepark GP32 in Mint condition (SOLD ONLY IN KOREA) Limited edition bandai wonderswan color with final fantasy 2 game,Specail box and keychain,Mint condition (SOLD ONLY IN JAPAN) Game axe color (semi mint condition) Atari lynx (mint condition) Final fantasy 1 Nes (sealed in plastic,cartrage only)
I must be maturing because i now tend to seek out more mellow romantic type slow music,Where as just a year ago i was SOOOO into everything angry and heavy,I still am but its just not my prefrence.
The lighting in my computer is so strong that it completely lights up my room and shows out into the hallway at night (i have three ccfl's btw)
I was once a substitute janitor for my towns public library
My P2P client of choice is WarezP2P 2.9
My hair is brown but i often wish it was black and that i looked tougher,I try to shave as little as possible to more acheive this "toughness"
One of my favorite games of all time is Final fantasy 7,i downloaded advent children but it was all in japaneese with no subtitles (can someone help me convert it possibly?)
I dont drink and i think i probally never will,At least for a VERY long time after watching my mothers liver fail and her almost die,It was the worst time in my life.
