Why would you show up at my house late at night instead of calling me during the day and talking to me?
speedfreaks have no concept of time, it's a time altering drug...the clock looks like its on time lapse film.
you'll be just standing the decoding the toilet paper, and the clock says noon, you look in a minute or 2 and it's 4:30....in 15 minutes it's midnight
and suddenly...
....(we also run on impulse)
whatever it is.... like...I gotta talk to _______ NOW!
just hits you .... and your knee jerk reaction is to follow the impulse.
it "feels like" 2:00pm ....but it's really midnight.
And if you're so sure my house is haunted and is full of shadow people, why don't I see them since I live there?
ok that's one is multilayered. .....some people have really seen ghosts. my mom lived in a haunted house...and I was 12 and we heard an invisible wheelchair coming down the hall way and stuff moving in the kitchen.
I've also seen the trees snarling and growling at me .....the treebark had ever changing strained expressions like it was gonna pull itself out of the ground but could'nt or it would have killed me it hated me so bad, intresting scene, that i told myself was starvation and sleep deprovation and just observed it till my BF came outta the dealers house with the dope. on the way to fla on the bus the luggage racks were thick with hissing slithering snakes...I told myself it was the drug.... ....another tweeker coincedentally sat next to me. we sat there like half an hour. ..and he goes.....you see em too? I said....the snakes? ....he said yeah.
so that was weird....you can have DOUBLE hallucinations. or 2 people that see the same hallucination. thats happened to me a couple times.
so I don't know if you don't see ghosts, because you are more left brained rational.
.......and he really saw one. or he was tripping darkly ........ the shadow people are after speedfreaks. ......only we see shadow people. they look like the dark things in the movie "ghost" with whoopie goldberg
Should I give up on you?
yes. ....you should rebuild your life because trust between us is shattered. I'm crazy, I NEED my dope, at this point.. ....I have no choice, I'm a slave....until something changes.
if i quit, I'll never be the same. ...if i continue i'll never be the same.
if destiny intends us to be together, we will. .....but save your sanity and move on. let go.
(I think, from what you said)
Oh yeah, and why are you unusually defensive about your attachment to your little dog?
he's the only one that I trust, because i can't be trusted and I can rely on him not doing an intervention on me. and accepting my wrechedness.
What's worst Crack OR Crystal Meth? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Which one is more damaging? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
crack makes me want meth.. ....because of the jones you have to do more. I use to say, "I only do coke on ice" ...if someone offered it.. ....even if I was dopesick as hell. COKE, or CRACK.....will REALLY give you something to cry about. I'm unhappy enough.
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Which one is more addicting in the same period of time? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
crack, lets you know you are a chump in the first 5 minutes ......you can QUADTRIPLE the cost of a crack night compared to a meth night.
...and it has you on a very short leash. in 5 minutes, you'd knock over a fruit stand to get more.
my crack head friends amazed me.
we'd both get 20 bucks worth of our choice of poison.
......I'd be happy 6 or 8 hours...depending on the dope. and they would have gone back for 80 more dollars worth or their shyt in the same time..
Meth is a sneaky mofo.. .....you think "it's good for me! and it's CHEAP"
and in the end. .......it will tear your ass apart.
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Which one has worst withdrawals? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
......short term? crack.
to a meth addict. .....Crack is fukin' intolerable, because it's duration is 5 fukin' minutes. ..and you never get the "direct effect" like with meth.
...it leaves you constantly yearning.
you want to feel a meth buzz..
you can't sleep, your heart pounds.
...... you get just a glimpse of "something" ..they call "uphoria", but it was'nt uphoric enough to put myself thru the FOUR HOUR JONES...it has.
....that is'nt the drug we are NOW geared for.
in the time it takes you to say...
......."I feel great!"
it's over.
......and you feel like CRAP.
and you stay by the crack pipe, until it's gone. ....and you go get more.
(plus you don't clean, or draw, or tear equipment up, or have sex, or accomplish any little thing on crack..I could'nt concentrate on anything but the next hit)
long term?
METHAMPHEDIMINE. ...........wins the prize.
crack just takes your money, family, health, job.. ........no biggie! .....that's a givin' with anything abusable.
but, when you stop doing crack. ....you actually have dopamine to FEEL better when you stop.
METH... ..eats up your dopeamine.
THAT means....eventually....the drug will not work.
..so you are a miserable, bitter, depressed, homeless friendless, bytch on it or off it.
it also finds what is wrong with you mentally, and physically and attaches itself to the disorder or condition and excellerates, and enlarges the character defects, and or, physical limitations to a crippling state off the charts of what the "norm" is for a regular person.
.....becomes an "unclaimable" disability.
so NOW, at this point, you don't clean, or draw, or have sex, or accomplish any little thing on METH anymore. .....or if you stop.
..I could'nt concentrate on anything.
I went so insane I could'nt get work to keep using. ...it was so obvious I was a tweeker, it hurt.
to everyone BUT me.
it also BURYS emotions.
....so we come back and deal with reality like ... for me.
....I'm about 25 years old emotionally.
I QUIT learning to deal with my emotions... ..and took a drug when I was hurt, angry, sad, ect.
so NOW I'll cry when someone yells at me... ......or i do something wrong.
because I'm still trying to catch up to a 42 year old womans emotional response
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Which one has more physical side effects? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
rent "new jack city" and "spun"
....then you decide.
crack has no physical side effects on me.
...I fukin' HATE that drug.
people offer it to me every other day.
....and I tell em to quit "pretending" to have something to make me feel better...and get some REAL DRUGS.
..I'm unhappy already go get something that makes you feel good! ...what a rip off!
.... I'm a meth addict.
METH has the most side effects of any drug I've ever done.
I'm already dead in some ways... .........I am just too stubbern to drop.
So,... you're in love with an addict who won't quit? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You wanna see inside their mind? .....if they are anything like THIS addict. this is how it looks..... .....this is answers to past questions on addicted spouses. pack a lunch.
disclaimer: this is just my observations... ......it might not be EVERYONE's truth. but it's the truth as I know it....
love is never "safe". it's about trust and bonding, intimacy, communication... ....common beliefs, and like behaiviors.
you are exposing your soft under belly, and giving your heart to someone and under the best of circumstances....
....it's very frightening!
look at it this way...
....your BF has a mutant head that you don't know about.. it whispers other ideas in his head, unlike ideas the "real" he would have....
......the more he does meth the more his "true" head will shrink and the NEW demon head will grow... the bad thing is.
you are'nt in love with him..
..you love the addicted him.
so if/when he straitens out... ....he won't be this guy. if he continues to use......he will not be the same. it's very progressive. ...the more he is the other, the less he is himself when he comes down.
My advice will be painful to your eyes...
...you'll think..."she does'nt know about us" ..well.
I do.
I have watched relationships disolve in my hands...
....I watched years of me proving my loyalty, honesty, and manogomy shatter in an instant...
..as men I had known...decades ofmy life..that knew me as a kid...begin to really belive I was trying to hurt, humiliate, or deceive them.
when you have been a good woman to a man and he tells you he knows you don't love him, and you are betraying him. it's a very painful betrayal.
I doubt my words can stop you from any thing.
...........no one ever changed another by will...
it only builds resentment.
but...I HOPE I can persuade you not to go that way.
or at least REALLY think long and hard about it.
life is Loooooooong when you make the wrong decision.. wasted my WHOLE LIFE on DRUGS.
.....drugs are all I had...and all I wanted.
I'm qualified to give you the addict's side..... I would have no painful regret, and feelings of unaccomplishment and broken dreams, dark, depairing, emptyness, howling, perverted in ways that make you feel...deeply ill...things at your CORE that is YOU is betrayed...your soul hurts when it's worn thin.
you feel ...OWNED.
and whoever loves the addict is also haunted by DARK memories...that you can't get rid of that hurt deeply.
...and you look like an idiot to everyone that watched you self destructing.
I'm standing here watching you walk into a trap...and you prolly won't belive me...
.....that is so horrible!
I can see the mac truck that is about to smash up your world, and change your life for the worst.
I feel like maybe I died using meth sometimes,
because no one ever hears me warning them! _________________________________________________________
My crazy metaphorical brain has analyzed that one down to the ground...so i could understand it myself.
You know how i say suzette (my alter ego) is tied to a chair in the rotten part of my brain? ........she's still there, she's out of shape and starved because I have'nt feed her meth in 2 years...
......she does'nt make as much noise as she used to when I first stopped feeding her.
the howling is now whimpering.
......but she is still alive and watching what suzie (me) is doing whating for her chance.
.....During he time i was feeding suzette, in active addiction...suzette ruled. ....and suzie was tied to a chair. she was paralyzed, and could do nothing but watch and record what was happening... .....she could'nt even translate the situations as fast as they were coming.... .so she was just "filming" .....but she was always there. whimpering to be set free again...like suzette is now. ......yes, that person will come back. but they come back rode hard and put up wet. .....like the were filming katrina. if leaves a PTSD type mark on us......we saw alot of things good people don't see and it's disturbing. I'm back. ....but I'm chemically imbalanced. it's me, but I don't feel as good as I once did. ....because suzette busted in and ate up alot of dopamine (natural well being)
little by little, the rotten part in my brain shrinks. .....and suzette is more confined...and i feel more like me.
before....suzie was in a crawlspace...with a small window to look out. I did hear her say "get on the bus, please, we'll die if you don't"
....that was all the strength she had at the time because suzette was like the roar of a tornado and hard to hear over.
but yes. that person is trapped. .....like a hostage... while the maniac with the speed is in charge.
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What does an addict feel while they are hurting you?
It's exactly as if you were playing football. ...you got the ball, and you are going to score. it's a blur to the goal line. .......then the touchdown dance. you are the greatest! .....go team! ......you turn around, and the other teams players are being carried out because you busted em up.
on speed things are in fast forward. .....in japanise. when you come down ......they're in english at the right speed. you can't see over it, you are self absorbed, and thoughts race, and you predict what people are saying before they can say it. you're sending but not recieving. ...I wanna say like a genius....but I don't mean we were smart... ....many a useless but elaborate mechaincal device was born on speed. ....you have all these "brilliant" ideas.... that are like an elaborate production...like the stones. and the people in the background that you can't quite define because of the lights and pyrotechnics is everything else.
I stored everything.
.....it translated itself later. it took a whole year till I really knew what happened. I had the memories......but until I un wound em...they never clicked.
understand?
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why in the world would anyone want to do it and be like this? I so don't understand. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's so hard to explain, we can't even find the words to describe... ...even to each other.
we (addicts) just "know" what we all saw, and felt in the mouth of madness.
It's a glimpse of demonic insanity. ....It did seem crazy to me,I did'nt care, but I liked being so far gone, I liked being entertained by the darkside.
....Doing speed smoothed it all out.
like astronuat training... ..you're viewing another ....very very dark side of humanity.
....there were days I would'nt go out until dark. >I knew I looked like a ghoul. ...I knew I was insane.
but I wallowed in it like a pig in sh!t.
pigs know it's sh!t they are wallowing in.
....but there's something in them that makes it ok.
like retarded people look happy.... ....they are unable to eat of have organized thoughts, dress organize...but they don't care.
..thet sit there and smile while you call them retards, they don't give a fat rats ass what you think...
...it's like a perk you get for being retarded, you get this overwhelming feeling of well being that breaks when the speed runs out.
obviously when the spell is lifted and you are on a dung heap.. .....you go back to the dealer and turn your dung heap to gold again.
you think it spins straw into gold.
...but then, it's only you, who could see the straw was gold when it's all over.
.....and it never was.
The sad thing is how much you LOVE it. ...it's your best friend, it cures loneliness, gives you strenghth and confidence, viverent energy, ideas, and beauty at first.
you love it, and it loves you and you will always have crystal to hold you when things get bad.
I remember thinking flat out, I'll go see my best friend. and while you are loving it, it is robbing you. .....it takes all your money, strength, natural ability to feel joy, you, what you stand for, and belive in to your core... ...you throw it all away and put all your faith in whats good and true to YOU. like following manson... "charlie is jesus" ....yeah right. ..but its deep. even charles manson's momma still thinks he was framed. ....we defend, protect, cover, and are extremely loyal.
we jumps thru hoops like trick poodles and smile back at it ....it says... you gotta do more. it's the most hardcore brainwashing, scam, lie, hoax, slap in the face betrayal there is.
we stay with it for YEARS. ....we build our life around it.
we love it, we're married to it.
it's like we are in this group that was screwed over by the same con artist. ...and the mothers whose chidren fell into a cult. ike jim jones. it whispers the same promise in all of our ears and falls short.
it gives us an edge on the world.
....but soon the entire universe has the edge on you. >and speed laughs in your face and says...
you poor fool.
I try so hard to explain so no one else does it ...so no one else follows charlie to prison.
but there's no words.
there just is no fuking words.
I feel like my best friend threw me out of the car I picked it up in. .....and I just woke up beaten, and alone on the highway.
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- can you define how many times a day smoking casual would be??? as in i thought this was a more and more needed drug.....so i am asking really is waht is the definition of casual... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
I'd be pleased to help you. yes. .....that could be from ....well, a gram to an 8 ball a day..8 ball=2and a half grams.
I've never seen ANYONE that was a casual meth smoker. .....smoking is an addiction within another addiction. there's more moral decay, and "fiending" with smoking than I associate with eating or snorting.
you might do a line or 2 here and there... ..it's possible, I've seen it and done it.
but it's progressive.
....at that STAGE in my addiction, I could do a couple lines...or a quarter and be strait awhile.
..but soon, I did'nt wanna stop when I'd go on runs,
I'd stay up 2 weeks... ...sleep 6 hours and go at it more. I ate it and snorted it most of my addiction.
.....it kicked my ass then too, when my addiction progressed
.... when you smoke it, it's a special darkness,like home, when you see with vampire eyes.
................you are in love with it and the ritual of smoking. you are "with" the pipe all day long.
...the desire to use is more filled with desperation.
I would sit in bathrooms and smoke...and hours would pass.
..I seriously could feel the pull of gravity on my intestines...from sitting relaxed on toliets.
....so I started standing there for hours.
you spend more time with it...
......looking at it re crystalize....swirling smoke...ice crystals...it's an obsession to everyone i ever partied/rotted with...
more than snorting/eating.
.you WILL have it. you don't give a FUK about anything else. ...I would'nt do half the stuff I did to keep smoking it. 9 payday loans my friend.
....for speed. 5000,00 I got thinking I'd be dead soon. ...there's a happy gloom ...dark, and warm that assures us we'll die before we face the consequences.
....I never got that from eating it.
I knew I was outta money, oh well. ...stop! ....right?
when I smoked it, I did'nt care about having a place to live as much as smoking speed. ....and i'm a hermet. always have been. ....not only did I leave home, I LOST home, and never even blinked an eye.. ....I thought. "I don't sleep much anyway"
that's how blinded you can be. ....it's taken me A YEAR to translate the previous smoking year into realities terms....and I can't belive what hit me.
back away slowly..
...you're gonna loose her. you lost her. ...do you want to continue into the abyiss and enable her while she rots infront of you? or morn your loss... ...and move on. I guareentee you if she's smoking it, things are just about to get BAD for everthing around her, and everyone.
.......booze, herion, crack, extasy........give me no "bells and whistles" if I see it..
.....booze, makes me MORE clumsey, and obnoxious and I can't sleep, and I feel numb, desensitized....bleh
I always ask myself why I did it, it sucks....
it appears to me...
..and any emotion you have is nulled. ....if your sad.................."it's cuze your drunk" mad ............................. ..."it's cuze your drunk" romantic ......................"it's cuze your drunk" and there's phaises of a drunk, tipsy, stimulated, sloppy, beligerent, really grossly affectionate. .........but, there's billions of folks who like booze alot.
I have extreme distaste for... crack or regular cocaine.......It's the "I AM A CHUMP" drug........ 0 to chump in 0.1 seconds.... ......I could be buried to the neck in that shit and I would'nt feel a need for 2 second uphoria, followed by four hours, of despair, JONSING, yearning, shaky, panic, imbalance, feeling dumb for spending money on it...*sigh* needing DESPERATELY to find someone you would'nt even think about talking to sober.... ...but he has COKE.
jeeeez....I wanted to have fun, not be gimped up, jonsing.
.....it never appealed to me at all.
My guts don't twist in exicitment, and an assertive latient personality telling me to step aside....
.....suzette gets rowdy is when speed is around.
like a prison riot...
...............she splits off, and becomes an extremely convincing, but faux authority .
speed is my cryptonite.
............... my brain lights up with visions of stored, blessed dopeamine waiting to flood your mind with false wellness..... reward center is on alert...tempting you with....every kinda good your brain can feel .....you'll feel better....alot better...it won't be a big deal, you can control it this time.
you don't choose what lights up your pleasure centers, it chooses you. .....and you either act, or remember it's a smoke a mirrors trick to dazzle....and don't.
Edited Mon Mar 24 2008, 02:03am
It is a sad thing to watch someone you love waste their life away on whatever drug or drink they are using.. my very best friend in the world drinks and smokes pot every day. I stayed with her for like a week and the conditions were like a crack house.. shes a couple years older than me and has 3 kids.. and its more sad for the kids that their mom is pissing her life away being drunk constantly and has friends who do the exact same thing.. they all live at rock bottom together. she recently got a DUI and I havent heard from her, she had to go back to where she was living to go to court.. I'm sure they will make her go to some kind of program but I know if she's not ready its not going to do jack squat for her.. her and I haven't been in contact a lot and I feel like I have no right to mention what she's doing, she's never said that this is a problem for her. even though she works at taco bell and is obsessively in love with a man who ignores her and puts her down.. I know I can't do anything about it but it makes me sad... thanks for your honesty suze.. i've been wanting to go to open aa meetings but i think it might be too much for me.. she's not the only one I know with drug/alcohol problems
My crazy metaphorical brain has analyzed that one down to the ground...so i could understand it myself.
You know how i say suzette (my alter ego) is tied to a chair in the rotten part of my brain? ........she's still there, she's out of shape and starved because I have'nt feed her meth in almost 4 years... .......she does'nt make as much noise as she used to when I first stopped feeding her.
the howling is now whimpering.
......but she is still alive and watching what suzie (me) is doing whating for her chance.
......During he time i was feeding suzette, in active addiction...suzette ruled. ....and suzie was tied to a chair. she was paralyzed, and could do nothing but watch and record what was happening... .....she could'nt even translate the situations as fast as they were coming.....so she was just "filming" .....but she was always there. whimpering to be set free again...like suzette is now.
......yes, that person will come back. but they come back rode hard and put up wet. .....like the were filming katrina. if leaves a PTSD type mark on us......we saw alot of things good people don't see and it's disturbing.
I'm back. ....but I'm chemically imbalanced. it's me, but I don't feel as good as I once did. ....because suzette busted in and ate up alot of dopamine (natural well being)
little by little, the rotten part in my brain shrinks. .......and suzette is more confined...and i feel more like me.
before.. ...suzie was in a crawlspace...with a small window to look out.
I did hear her say "get on the bus, please, we'll die if you don't" ....that was all the strength she had at the time because suzette was like the roar of a tornado and hard to hear over.
but yes.
that person is trapped. .....like a hostage...while the manic with the speed is in charge.
About meth pipe burns
If someone is smoking speed...and spills it on themself.... .......Liquified meth burns like a hot glue x 100 combined with the continual frying, sort of like a microwave burn to the 100th power.
.......I had a friend that was a crack head....and her dealer accidentally put a few shards of meth in with her dope..... ...crackheads tilt the str8 pipe at a 90 degree angle.
I saw it start to run, toward her mouth and bubble,
(crack does'nt turn to liquid, it burns up, and leaves a dry residue)
.....I knocked her hand, out of pure reflex, and the pipe fell on the carpet, her mouth was open, and ready to say.... ....WTF suzie??? that was my DOPE! ...we watched it burn thru the carpet, the foam... str8 into the cement underneath.
......that's why meth burns look SO BAD. they are! ...I can't imagine what it would have done when she inhaled it. she'd have been disfigured, and certainly, unable to ever speak again.
....just so you know when you see one.
I spilled it on me one time...
...I had plenty of pipe burns...they HUUUURT too!
but, not the actual chemical burn, except for this one time..... ..........I still have a scar from it..
I was gonna smoke with a fiend who wanted to keep the lights low.
....I told him i was afraid, not to have light, because I'm night blind..... and I was hallucinating, ...... and I was new to the process of the constant rolling you do with a meth pipe...... To keep it from burning up, you have to roll it ...so the liquid constantly moves... then let it cool off and recrystallize. repeat.
It was too dark... .....I rolled to far, and some came out the little hole in the top of the pipe, and spilled across the back of my hand.
It felt like it was cutting thru the layers of skin....it was .....sobering. .........to say the least.
I was really crying, IMMEDIATLY, hard, and hopping around waiting for it to STOP! ...it seemed to just keep burning, deeper into me. ....I thought I was gonna have visible bones.
I was a ripe watermelon. and it was a sharp knife.... cutting.
That burn, was very hard to explain, or conceal.... it looked OBVIOUS. ........ I had a bandage on it for MONTHS, since I'm a server, and it was the back of my hand. ......but, even when it healed, the scar was so identifiable, you see em all the time where I was.
The bowl on the pipe, containing this evil shyt .................. becomes like a hot poker. Since the bowl is round. .......and nothing else is the same size or temp of round that would do that... .....it looks like you were "branded" a speed freak.
You KNOW when you see a perfect circle burned deep into someones skin....exactly what it is. ..........you can't explain it away. ...nothing else looks like it.
A rancid tide of dark memories, of hiding those red circles, and how BAD it burned washed over me. ................. eww. *feels dirty* Nothing hurts like that, that I've ever experianced. I never felt pain on speed..... ...........I had hot glue burns, when i was high, I could ignore. I dropped something on my toe, and it turned black... ...did'nt stop me...I couldnt even remember where all the bruises came from...my bf pierced my nipple all the way thru with his fingernail....I never knew till i woke up in blood. ...........................it's unimportant at the time. Your pain threshhold is super human. ......THAT was the only pain from any injury, I FELT, and I had to stop doing my beloved drugs and scream... that pain, was so unfamilliar............I was like.....OMFG! ahhhh! ..................until it finally recrystallized into my skin.
another dead give away.
Nothing else on earth, leaves deep sparkly, .........shiney, shimmery crystalous coatings in open flesh wounds.....
That's the only "real" one reason, I've seen tweakers pick at their open sores. ......fiending, (for more speed) trying to get the speed out of their flesh, and it burns so deep... and you can see it twinkling in this horror hole ....it just welds itself to you when it solidifies. so, it's like tearing your own skin off. ....it IS your skin when it cools. it does'nt seperate, it takes chunks of you with it, if you pick it off. (I did'nt try, I could'nt look at the hole w/o feeling faintish) ....like trying to pick a tatoo off, is a good analagy.
I knew so many speedfreaks that, nodded out while smoking it, and dropped the pipe on their chest... ..........................it would leave "the brand of the speed freak", where it hits, then it spills out.....runs.... ............................and eats into wherever it touches.
so you got the deep red circle, plus a canal looking shiney deep sore. .......Like a sort of devil's dark, demented diamond mine. when they get high....and start getting crazy.
I'd look up from drawing...
and it looked like they were trying to dig out their heart.
.......this has been a public service announcement, brought to you from hell.
Does the desire and obsession to get loaded ever go away ?
NO.
...........the lesson repeats itself until the lesson is learned.
it's like if you wanted to fly real bad.
.....and you kept jumping off one story buildings, thinking you could. and you kept busting yourself up...over and over.
.....hopefully you'd quit.
but, you'd still look at building ledges when you walked by em
and wonder if that was
"the one"
.......so, the lesson is learned, tho, the desire is at a low hum.
you did'nt jump off the ledge, so you did'nt get hurt. ........that goes on and on and on.
but, if you feel froggy one day and try it again. .....you'll get the same results, plus complications from the last 10 times you did it.
make sense?
==============================================
You know what hits my nerve? .....hanging around speed freaks high on meth.
YES, I KNOW this board is welcoming to addicts who still suffer... ...and it's good practice for me to be around meth, via internet. because it still makes my stomach clench, and my teeth grind.
it's like,
someone you care about is throwing up, .....................and you are trying to comfort them, (with a weak stomach) so, you're holding back their hair while they vomit, .................and you are trying not to vomit yourself, or get their sickness, because you just bearly got over the same flu yourself.
My problem: what's the difference between us (adderall users) and a stoner smoking medical marijuana? Or for that matter, what's the difference between this and doing street drugs?
Why is this a problem? ...............is it making you crazy? ..lol!
Adderrall is bought from a well lit, respectable establishment, from an educated, well groomed person.....and made, in a legitimate, FDA approved lab, with proper ingredients.
Adderrall IMPROVES the quality of my life, helps me connect whatever wires are loose in my head, and my family is pleased.
Meth, is bought from someone who looks like "the crypt keeper" with dark circles, and sores, on their face, ...... in a cheap motel/kitchenette, with all the appliances taken apart, and card board duct taped over the windows....it's made from pool cleaner, draino, and many other chemicals with "do not ingest" boldly printed clearly on the label. ...........it helped my ADHD for a good while...After time, meth WORSENED my ADHD by 1000x while actively using, it captivated me, and blinded me, until, I was to the point, where I was completely CRIPPLED with ADHD.
..............it drained my dopamine.....and left depression.
all I did in the end, was loose stuff, and try to find it.......endlessly.
........I was 6 hours late for work, I forgot everything I need to have, or lost it, I was completely self absorbed, and neglected people in my life, and I have lost everything I have to it, including, a good portion of my sanity.
.....and, it damn near STRIPPED my amphetamine screws, so meds bearly help me now.
