Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and (+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo (+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny? (+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, (+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" (+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and (+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . . -+
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
you know those bathrooms at football stadiums where like a bunch of guys just stand next to each other and piss in em?
they had a smaller version of that in this restaraunt and I looked up while I was taking a piss and there was a mirror
I started messing with my hair and I pissed all over myself and everyone behind me had this horrified look
hahaha, so you were pissing in the fucking sink?
huh?
...fuck
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Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!
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wtf
quote "so you are 23 years old right?" me: "yes" them: "did you have any programming experiance in the 1970s"
* Wolfed hails FossZombie
I'm tempted to say yes
It would have been interesting.
Yes in 1971 I was the lead computer scientist for the military, until 1975 when I switched jobs and worked for zenith for a short period of time until 1980s when I switched over to the atari group programming team. In 1984 I was born and that pretty much ended my career as a programmer.
I spent the next three years shitting myself and learning how to speak and learn my ABCs
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windows is being a bitch >_<
Install Linux.
no. i use windows for all my work
Linux would be better for that.
besides, i like being able to play a game or two
Linux has games.
im not getting linux. windows has great support, ill have this fixed in no time
Linux has better support.
if you say "linux" one more time, im gonna send you a virus
Good fucking luck. I'm on Linux.
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Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever.
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madskz: i' tried ass fuck
takefive: Ahaha
takefive: wait, why?
madskz: what??
madskz: oh shit
madskz: *i'm tired as fuck
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hey everybody
hey john, where the fuck you been?!
i was in a wreck in my friends car. snow and ford explorers do not go well together
holy shit
i got alot of morphine though
apparently the first night they had me on the drip i managed to wriggle out of the restraints i had on because they noticed me acting weird after they put me on the morphine
according to the nurse i spoke to, and accounts from my wife after she woke up, i was running up and down the halls, with the morphine IV still attached and the bag dragging behind me
and as this was going on, she tells me i was yelling this:
"THE COMMUNISTS HAVE CONTROL OF GRAND CENTRAL STATION AND THEY WILL BRING THE COMMIE TRAINS TO TOWN! WE MUST WARN THE MAYOR CHOO CHOO"
w..t..f
that was kindof my reaction when she told me. i really cannot put my finger on that one.
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I hate lawyers.
I'm a lawyer.
I AM OFFENDED BY YOUR STATEMENT!
OH LAWD! THE WHITE MAN BE A PUTTIN' ME DOWN!
...
I bow to your superior tactic D:
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So I just went and looked at my Newegg order status, and saw a message I've never seen before:
"THE PACKAGE IS DELAYED DUE TO A TRAIN DERAILMENT[X] "
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Windows told me to make a new password and I put in 'penis'...
and it said it was too short.
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.
good point
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guys can someone give me some tips for girls?
im just so shy that i just start talking in here rather than to them after school
* Siege sets mode: +b *!*@ZiRC-80795AC0.sttlwa.dsl-w.verizon.net
* WarHawk was kicked by Siege (problem solved. thank me later.)
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Ganon: That magnet in the finger idea sounded really awesome, minus the idea of getting some sort of poisoning from the rare-earth metals
Gayo: oh oh dude
Gayo: What if you were a woman and you had MAGNETIC BREAST IMPLANTS.
Katt: I guess that would make you really attractive
Ganon: ...
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(Theo1) If i ever get kidnapped, the last thing im gonna say to my kidnappers is gonna be
(Theo1) If your gonna Rape and Murder me... Rape me first, i dont wanna die a virgin.
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Creepier yet the only japanese I know is how to say hello, goodbye, and how to respond when being raped
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You say -I- have internet badass syndrome? At least I can insult someone without involving genitals or homosexuality you cock-sucking faggot.
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* Fireboy224 joined #twokinds
Hello all
Yo
I don't know you, but I have a feeling we'll get along XD
Yes.
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what annoys me a lot is idiot media crying "oil price up!! 80 dollars now!" instead of "dollar down! 1/80th barrel now!"
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Havent had sex in sooooooo long
It's gotten to the point where i masturbate thinking of other times i masturbated.
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having sex after 20 beers is like playing pool with a rope
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teh Tycho fan: none of us can get laid
Ketrus: Sure you can. Go commit a felony.
Ketrus: Granted, by 'laid', I mean 'sodomized', but still.
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Vipar87: so my old ass english teacher starts going on about passing a failing kids when she starts up a story about this school bus driver who needed to pass this class to keep his job. Well, he ended up with a D+, failing, but right at the edge of a C, so she nudged him up enough to pass him. A few weeks later, he was in a wreck while driving the school bus. He died, but none of the kids did and she goes "I'm so glad I passed him so he could save those kids..." and I'm like... "Bitch, if you woulda failed him, he'd be alive, and the new, SMARTER bus driver wouldn't have wrecked the bus anyway!"
mario13256: idiot
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Vipar87: so my old ass english teacher starts going on about passing a failing kids when she starts up a story about this school bus driver who needed to pass this class to keep his job. Well, he ended up with a D+, failing, but right at the edge of a C, so she nudged him up enough to pass him. A few weeks later, he was in a wreck while driving the school bus. He died, but none of the kids did and she goes "I'm so glad I passed him so he could save those kids..." and I'm like... "Bitch, if you woulda failed him, he'd be alive, and the new, SMARTER bus driver wouldn't have wrecked the bus anyway!"
mario13256: idiot
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Spiderman reminds me of adolesence. One day a teenage guy wakes up with muscles, hair in new places and the ability to spray white sticky goo around the house.
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1 in 4 girls has problems with incest at home
that sickened me
the others 3 are fine with it ?
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I pay rent by playing the 'bottom' in sexual acts centering mostly around the anus.
You've solved the mystery!
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So I'm sitting at the lunch table with mostly girls and the conversation wanders about the usual subjects.
Eventually someone say the word "Jizz" And that goody goody girl with the 4.0 GPA and who is very sweet and innocent says, "whats jizz?"
Silence and muffled laughter ensues, one of the girls says "Its something guys do."
So she says "...oh... okay.."
Next period, english class, miss clueless raises her hand.
"Excuse me, can I go to the Lav, I have to Jizz."
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I want to get a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I am doing an excellant job driving." Then I can cut people off and they won't know what to do.
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you know something's wrong when you have dreams about eating pudding and you wake up with a spoon in your ass
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
I am so fucking h0nry today, I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like someone is licking the crotch of my voodoo doll.
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Elizabethian: To be or not to be, that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take up arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them. Ebonics: I be fixin to hang in the hood.
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so my azn friend has a kid, and he turns out to be black
and...?
they are like boaters man
they named him "Sum Ting Wong"
omg
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i can kill a person with no hands
so can I, when they don't have hands it's hard for them to fight back
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You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.
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ChaosPid: She was already mad at me and she yelled "I'm gonna kill you"
ChaosPid: and I responded....
ChaosPid: "This is wierd, I swear to god I just heard you offer to make me a cake, but the words didnt match up with your lips at all........but chocolate, I suppose."
Curt: What'd she do?
ChaosPid: She looked like she was gonna die... left the room and then came back a few minutes later.... in a rage.
Curt: LOL.
ChaosPid: I then told her she shouldnt have left, if she wanted to go to the store to buy ingredients, she knew she would need a man to drive her to the store, and then I called her silly.
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Adam, you see driving a car, is a bit like making love to a beautiful woman, take it easy at first, get comfortable, then rag the arse off her until she dies, then trade her in for a new model
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<@Twitch`> i should get "caution: filling is hot" tatooed on my ass
<@Twitch`> i'd be just like a mcdonalds pie
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i just checked easyspace for the domain fuck.sport
and it said its not available and recommended fuck.kids
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i am not a medical practitioner, but i do distribute rohypnol to coeds on occasion
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i got new car radio the other day, its pretty cool. you shout soul and it plays soul, you shout rock and it plays rock. the other day some kids ran past my car and i yelled "FUCKING KIDS" and it played michael jackson.
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God damn it times have changed
ah, there was once a time when we were called secret admirers
but now we are just called stalkers
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Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
#582133 +(1714)- [X]
i was at this party and this really fuckin ugly drunk chick and I were talkin and she kept trying to get it on with me
so later in the night she come up to me and says ‘don’t you want to go down on me?†so I say “ I;m jewish, I cant eat pigâ€
she slapped me after that
#643784 +(387)- [X]
well that's a blow to the confidence
some religious guys just came to my door and as they were leaving they left a little magazine thing
he looked through his pile for a while and ended up giving me one on the evils of masterbation ...
I really should stop answering the door naked with a massive erection
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
atria ventric: so my life is complete Crikers042: whys that? atria ventric: because today atria ventric: i heard two gay guys shopping for a vaccuum atria ventric: 'but i bet this one sucks better' atria ventric: 'but this one will go for longer' atria ventric: 'go longer? what for? you get dirty you take it out you turn it on and you're done' atria ventric: 'i mean its fun while it lasts sure but its nothing serious'
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
1-800-Wheelchair.com looking for Web Dev. ASAP (Williamsburg, Brooklyn)
I guess they will be interested in server side push technologies.
Their clients can't move themselves.
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