Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
wrote ... #244321 +(14163)- [X]
<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars <Cthon98> ********* see! <AzureDiamond> hunter2 <AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me <Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> ******* <Cthon98> thats what I see <AzureDiamond> oh, really? <Cthon98> Absolutely <AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2 <AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you? <Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as ******* <AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that <Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as ******* <AzureDiamond> awesome! <AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw? <Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw <AzureDiamond> oh, ok.
wrote ... #24 +(6842)- [X]
<ckx> women ask for it <ckx> they act all old and mature <ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass <ckx> and they get all bitchy <ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
#207373 +(10763)- [X]
<anamexis> oh man <anamexis> I was opening a coke, right --> Beefpile (~[email]
<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk <DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first <DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out <DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh <DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning? <Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you? <DeadMansHand> holy fuck. <DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now <DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure <DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this <Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit. quit: (DeadMansHand) <Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day <Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts join: (PeteRepeat) ([email]
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
wrote ... You had sex with the little mermaid!?
hahaha
that's gross
does she even have a... a...
does it smell like people?
wrote ... who is you?
yo mama
oh wait... i'm sorry
i often confuse myself WITH PEOPLE I FUCK
wrote ... I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Valvados.
Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.
But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
...
o.o
hmm
i dunno what you were supposed to get revenge for, either
I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.
well, whatever i did, i guess i deserved it
Let that possibly be a lesson to you.
wrote ... < quinn> There are three R's to windows tech support: "Restart, Reboot, Reinstall"
wrote ... a standard laptop battery would also be a great idea
cell phones.... *maybe*. the phones themselves are still changing too much
pretty soon, the damn phones will be so small that the air movement from your speech will also power the phone
but then you couldn't talk to your g/f, because *you'd* never talk, so your phone would die
wrote ... The internet is a beautiful place....
Because no matter what kind of twisted freak you are, you've got a friend out there You could ask the internet "Find people who have sex with goats on fire."
And internet will ask you, "What kind of goats?"
wrote ... Nautilus724: One time I tried to piss off the people at McDonalds by ordering the food in the little Spanish I knew.
Nautilus724: I think that was the first time they didn't screw up my order.
wrote ... Dude, my wee sister has TITS!
...
...
Fuck, did I just think that, or did I type it?
wrote ... <_ry0suke_> Select [128kbps 44100Hz 02:32min] Mary-kate & Ashley Olsen & Fri - Hugged by you
<_ry0suke_> THIS SONG REMINDS ME OF YOU GODEDRP
<_ry0suke_> Select [128kbps 44100Hz 01:02min] Anal Cunt - Your kid commited suicide because you suck
<_ry0suke_> SO DOES THIS ONE STRANGELY
wrote ... <@dawoker> my manager dropped by and told me to stop using things like "my president is an assclown" in string testing for some of our code.
wrote ... hey how do haiku's work? is it 5 sylabals the first line, 7 the second, 5 the third?
yeah
when i cum in you
i feel the law is broken
you are twelve years old
haha
^_^
wrote ... I am sweating like R. Kelly at a girl scout meeting
wrote ... Just found some online CPR 101
The instructions are: Call, blow, pump
Kinda makes me wonder if I accidentally stumbled upon a Hooker 101
<surfer_girl> hi <negativepositive> your nick has "scary 40 year old naked guy" written all over it <surfer_girl> asl plz <negativepositive> that just drives it home
<BradJ*hnson> OMG, I lost my mouse! <Dilly4> Your cursor, or your entire mouse? <BradJ*hnson> Um, both. Isn't the cursor attached to the bottom of the mouse? <Dilly4> What? Do you run your mouse around on the screen? <BradJ*hnson> No, on the mouse pad...oh, I see. The cursor is the arrow, right? <Dilly4> New to computers, eh? <BradJ*hnson> You wouldn't believe it, but I'm actually really good with computers Dilly4 doesn't believe it. <BradJ*hnson> How did you do that? I got my mouse back! <Dilly4> it typed "/me doesn't believe it" <BradJ*hnson> "/me wants to make money with computers" Dilly4 suggests that the best way for you to make money is to sell yours. <BradJ*hnson> Fucker. GanGreen thinks he'll submit this lameness to Bash. Dilly4 nods in agreement. <BradJ*hnson> "/me wonders if this is working right on your end. What is Bash?" <Dilly4> GanG, make sure you blank out his name so his family (and future customers) don't see what a lamer he is. <GanGreen> NP. How about if I make it "BradJ*hnson"? Dilly4 laughs his head off. <BradJ*hnson> "/me goes "Just so long as no one recognizes it...I DO sounds kinda stupid. I'm smrat tho" Dilly4 can't control his fits of laughter <BradJ*hnson> smart. you all suck hard.
<Sebbe> Just found some online CPR 101 <Sebbe> The instructions are: Call, blow, pump <Sebbe> Kinda makes me wonder if I accidentally stumbled upon a Hooker 101
<IAX> You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.
<goltrpoat> 'britney spears' is an anagram for 'presbyterians.'
<HellmasteR> another rather amusing thing is that lol in h4x0r is 101, and 101 in binary is 5 <HellmasteR> so when i say FIVE from now on i mean lol
<chikA> wanna cyber <22hgsinnet> k one sec *22hgsinnet puts on gloves <chikA> wtf? <22hgsinnet> dont want you getting pregnant now do we
<Oxidizer> bah i just ate fudge after eatin tuna <Lurch> a slip of the tongue can do that
<Baybee_Gurl> that wuz so awesome last night <Baybee_Gurl> i had a great time <SiCkNeSsS> says: yea... me too <Baybee_Gurl> if you're interested i'm willing to do it again <SiCkNeSsS> mm hmm <Baybee_Gurl> yea <Baybee_Gurl> ... <Baybee_Gurl> is something bothering you? <Baybee_Gurl> because your acting weird <SiCkNeSsS> it's nothing <Baybee_Gurl> tell me <SiCkNeSsS> dont worry 'bout it <Baybee_Gurl> tell me plz <Baybee_Gurl> plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz <Baybee_Gurl> ......... <Baybee_Gurl> come on just tell me <Baybee_Gurl> i wont care <SiCkNeSsS> fine if you put it that way <Baybee_Gurl> okay so tell me!! <SiCkNeSsS> if you fucking get pregnant i am so dumping your ass <Baybee_Gurl> .....
Thrash showed me this. It's sad but true.
+BlackSaturn> did you know congress is thinking about making a law that has more jail time for dling a copyrighted movie than for dling child pr0n? @tw> Child porn isn't copyrighted.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
oh man I saw pure gold at lunch, I was sitting near this group of black guys at a table and they all had tucked in shirts and shit, looked educated, I think they were studying calculus or something
and across from there, there was another table with a bunch of white guys, all ghetto looking, three of them wore fucking grills, sagging pants, and one was playing some 50 cent ringtone or some shit
going "yeah boiiii"
and one of the black guys in the table next to me muttered "fucking niggers"
I choked on my fucking jolt cola
------------------------------------------------
what the fuck is wtf
------------------------------------------------
I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
...
...Dude.
Er.
That was the wrong window.
Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that.
-----------------------------------------------
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit
Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up.
I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.
She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back....
-----------------------------------------------
Hekili_Manu Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu So when I called and spoke to the guy they use the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"
Hekili_Manu It took me a moment to remember that and I was like "Uh....."
-----------------------------------------------
So this chick I know is suing her Birth Control maker
She started taking it and gained a bunch of weight.
She went from a size 5 to a size 22 and lost most of her hair.
I'm thinking...
thats some pretty damn effective birth control..
-----------------------------------------------
eBay feedback score for user "iaintpayinyou": -1
Two feedback: "Never sent payment after winning bid and promising to send"
and "Never sent payment after several contacts"
it's all in the name, people
-----------------------------------------------
So back in the day of the modem, when porn was limited to pictures only, I used to go to lots of thumbnail galleries and save the pictures to a folder that I would use a slideshow on afterwards.
The great thing about a slideshow is that pressing any key makes it disappear, good for the uninvited guest, know what I mean?
Well it turned out that uninvited guest was my father and I was in the middle of a "session" so I quickly press escape and ask him whats up.
He looks at me, looks at the screen, I look at the screen, say, "uhhhhhhhhhh", then he mutters something about if there was any email for him and leaves quickly.
FUCKING INTERNET EXPLORER HAS "SET AS BACKGROUND" NEXT TO "SAVE IMAGE"
And said pic was a huge cock spraying all over this girls face.
But because of the dimensions of the pic, all you could see was a huge cock spraying as my background.
And that my friends, is why I use Firefox.
---------------------------------------------
Rs Conqueror: dude
Xenocidaltendncy: hey whatup
Rs Conqueror: "sum up your sex life using star wars quotes"
Xenocidaltendncy: ...
Rs Conqueror: "you were right about one thing, the negotiations were short"
Xenocidaltendncy: young fool... only now, at the end, do you understand
Rs Conqueror: "how're we doing kid?" "same as always.." "that bad huh?"
Xenocidaltendncy: "if money is all you want, then that's what you'll get"
Rs Conqueror: "Ten thousand?? We could buy our own ship for that!"
Xenocidaltendncy: "these aren't the droids you're looking for"
Rs Conqueror: "I don't care what you smell, just get in there you big lug!"
Xenocidaltendncy: "going in at that speed, do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
Rs Conqueror: "No luke... I am your father"
Xenocidaltendncy: "and now, princess, we will discuss the location of your rebel base" *thwrum thwruuum thwruuuuum*
Rs Conqueror: "judge me by my size do you?"
Xenocidaltendncy: "Yeah, but this time I've got the money"
Rs Conqueror: She may not look like much, but "she's got it where it counts, kid."
Rs Conqueror: "I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the south entrance."
Xenocidaltendncy: "I've got a feeling I'm never going to see her again"
Rs Conqueror: "and I thought these things smelled bad... on the outsde"
Xenocidaltendncy: "Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it"
Rs Conqueror: "You're not actually going INTO an asteroid field...!!!"
Rs Conqueror: "Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is!"
-------------------------------------------------
<@Jigsy> [10:37:19] even the adults over 18 are soon to be limited to smoking in their houses
<@Jigsy> Unless a burglar breaks in.
<@Jigsy> Then it becomes his workplace.
--------------------------------------------------
Damn... while coming home from the store, this drunk came up to me, and was like,
"Hey, you big black [J3r M()M |)uZ @n@l]! Loose-lips McGee, why don't you go back to your monkey relatives? Bet you couldn't even add 1 + 1."
And I calmly respond, "What's the derivative of cosecant(x)?"
he just replied, "fuck you" and left...
*** Join: Elexon
shit, I just got owned so badly by a black guy on the street...
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
hehe ill never forget in math class in high school back in the day, 2 negros get in a fight and one stabs the other with a screw driver right in front of me when im like a freshman, then some black girls stands up and screams OH SHEET HE STABBED CORNBREAD
i love wireless network card and laptop
u aint lived till youve irced on the toilet
man, don't shove vibrators up your ass if your a guy man. I was trying to milk my prostate y'know, damnit, I guess the vibrator was too much for me.
get this, i slide the dildo up my but, smothered with ky jelly yeah? I flip it on, and I start stroking.
this cant end up well....
now, i'm in front of a TV, about 3.5 meters away from me, compensate about .25 meters for the diagonal. But man, i start strokng, and maybe 8 minutes later, i get this surging pain from my nuts and i shoot the silver bullet all the way to the tv man. christ.
conrgatulations
Hahahahah holy shit man
yeah, the problem is, I came onto irc to tell you all, my girlfriend stepped in...
teh Tycho fan: none of us can get laid
Ketrus: Sure you can. Go commit a felony.
Ketrus: Granted, by 'laid', I mean 'sodomized', but still.
===== Question 9518/10000 =====
the chinese ideograph with two women under one roof means what?
Hint: @@@@@@@
incest
free porn
lesbian
yesterday i brought my cat to the vet since he wasnt peeing. So, the vet forced him to pee by putting pressure on his bladder but i swear i saw his finger was on the my cats asshole
did he put his finger in his mouth after
did he light up a smoke?
no and no
but there was no need to be fingering the cats ass by doing what he was doing
this other time he commented on how nice the cats testicles were
tip
never call yourself an american in england
claim your canadian
it will be so much easier for you
_______ ___._._._
?
/s_r__r 12_._._.1
dam i kno this
/ser_er 127._._.1
* Quits: GTEK (Quit)
* Quits: xfiles (Quit)
* Quits: Evolution (Quit)
Do I sense some hatred towards Windows Vista originating from your direction?
Oh no, not at all
* Chrysalid^Revenge stands up in a medieval recitation pose
"OS X for the Mac users, pretentious in their coffeeshops
Gentoo for the nerd-lords in their mother's basement
XP for the everyday user, bound to muck around with bloody settings and registry values they should damn well leave alone
Then Vista from the Dark Lord behind his desk
In the Microsoft office, where crappy programming is performed
One OS to eat your RAM, One OS to spy on your digital media
One OS to screw them all, and in frustration bind them
In the Microsoft office, where crappy programming is performed"
Whoa!
one time the band teacher introduced a jazz song with "the negroid population enjoys this piece"
there were a bunch of black kids sitting in front of me
there was like a collective "what da fuck"
(&Gsus) thanks to asian porn i know now the japanese words for "More" "oh god yes" "fuck me hard" and "get that tentacle out of my ass"
what does 'dunno' mean?
i don't know
anyone else?
i said i don't know
yeah, i saw...but does anyone else know what it means?
I DON'T KNOW !!
yeah, i know
then why do you ask?!
because i want to know!
you said you DID know!
no, i know that you don't know
i KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, ffs!
what, then?
i don't know
omg...DO you or DON'T you know?!
i means: I DON'T KNOW !!
aargh...stupid...
is it bad when people at work ask what happened to your porn site?
*** Quits: tubgirl (Excess Flood)
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
My band is called Imation CDR 74m 650 MB....have you seen our CD's?
i got woken up by a freakin woodpecker today
i thought someone was knocking doesnt every guy get one of those in the morning?
(*)Embers(*): should i ask jonny this---
(*)Embers(*): ok so i know we haven't known each other
for long and I really shouldn't be asking you for
this..... but I want it so bad don't get me wrong it's
just that I haven't had it for a long time I could
already feel it going in so hard and coming out so soft
and wet. No one has to know about this, I'm desperate,
but your help can be very grateful!!!
(*)Embers(*): you must think I have a lot of nerve
asking you for this but I can feel my tongue around it
sucking all the juice out until there no more left, this
has been on my mind all day long and I hope I'm not
being forward but.... can I have a piece of gum?
Sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What does it mean when you search google with one word and only get one hit?
You have a very specific fetish?
one time my friend tried to kill himself by taking 30 advil.
i was like dude...why take 30 advil when you can take 3 aleve? =D
augh, I hate MS Office and people's expectation that "IT'S PART OF WINDOWS SO I WANT IT FREE!"
for starters, IT'S NOT PART OF WINDOWS, also, IT'S NOT FREE, and it's not even cheap, and NO IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR MATE PIRATED IT FOR YOU LAST TIME AND YOUR PC DIED AND YOUR MUM GOT SCARED AND SAID YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND YOUR UNCLE IN BEL-AIR
well, off to bed
adios. you damn english and your early bedtimes.
pssht. it's a small price to pay for living in the future.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
shit slashdot STILL down
yeah, im crying now
whats wrong with it?
this sucks
this totally fucked up my day heh
me too
some girl asked me if i wanted to have sex with her all day, but i said "after i read slashdot"
GOD DAMNIT!
OH NO! A steamroller comes barreling down on brentai! He must roll 1d20! Less than 6 escapes death!
unless he wants to use up his luck charm and make it a 1d10!
I use my raping skill to rape the steamroller.
your rape is ineffective against the cold, solid steel!
Well, crud.
1d10
Brentai: 9
Er, 1d20.
1d20
Brentai: 14
Crap, and crap.
squish
Well, I went out trying to rape a steamroller. It's a man's death.
so I got dissed by this girl i was talking to online
we were getting along really well and she wanted to meet
but she wanted a picture
so I sent her one (got one of hers, she was fine)
she said "I'm really looking for some one more 'athletic'"
bummer
so i say
well im trying hard, ever since i have been able to afford the full time trainer and chef I've lost over 200 lbs
she says you can afford a trainer/chef
i say yeah
she changes her mind about meeting
i tell her to go fuck herself
<[OKW]Buchwald> is it "cheating" on your girlfriend if you invite a couple of girls over to get naked, and you end up jerking off on to their tits, but you never touch them?
<[SS]Corky> NO!
<[SS]Corky> did this happen?
<[OKW]Buchwald> well, gimme a few minutes
<@TheRef>My girlfriend caught me sleep-wanking last night
lol, typo. i'm a post that to bash
<@TheRef>Dude, that wasn't a typo.
cool...there's a TON of cardinals on the tree outside my window
cardinals are usually safe, it's the priests you have to watch out for
(Deranged): I wanna get a job in a candy store putting fudge into boxes.
(Deranged): That way, when people ask what I do for a living, I can say I'm a fudge packer.
it's kind of odd how a lot of planets in star trek have spaceships and transporters, and yet they still live in huts and clay houses
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
I just had a bowl of clam chowder explode all over my face and chest, now I know how a girl feels when she gives head.
bah...porno's get borring after like 5 min
<|D-ToX|> all u just told me was u Blow yer load in 5 mins
Everything from this point on is dependant on you being able to relax your anus
so your a fifteen year old girl that thinks my wife is hot, hang on while i have a wank
lets say you clone yourself
and then you become attracted to yourself..and wind up having sex with your clone
does that make you gay, or are you just on the forefront of masturbation technology?
(Nero6) I like how you have to be 18 to enter a porno site, but the "you must be 18 to enter" page is covered with nothing but nude women
Is there any sanity or light left in this shrivelled husk of a world?
There was, but we had to trade it in for the internet.
That is quite possibly the best response to any question ever.
ok
so someone I was talking to online
wants to suck my dick
Yesterday, they bought an apartment here in baltimore
and moved here
This is 98% creepy and 2% sexy
<@Yenkaz> "You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons."
<@Yenkaz> i mean.. wtf
<@Yenkaz> I'd admire anyone capable of using itunes to produce any weapon of mass destruction
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
there's no way a girl could ever imagine the pain of being hurt in the testicles
emma: The pain oozes up, and your ahems swell up to the size of pomigranits, your voice goes high and squeky, and your eye lids flicker.
I thought that's what happened when you get possesed by mickey mouse...
<_aa_> ebay just bought paypal
they did?!
what was their winning bid?
I'll just say, anus is an aquired taste
I need to know if college consists of a lot of fucking, or is that just in movies and is it like, masturbation all the time? This decides whether I buy fifty boxes of condoms, or fifty boxes of Kleenex.
so i was on the beach wearing my speedo's the other day
and some chick walks by and goes "u got a roll of pennies in there?!?!?"
so i says "yeah, want me to knock some cents into you?>
like i fucked a 14 year old when i was 17
she was immature as a motherufcker
<@impuritor> dude, that is quite possibly the dumbest thing i've ever heard anyone say in my entire life
<@impuritor> that's like saying
<@impuritor> "My car runs like shit when i'm out of gas"
whats the word for that ringing in your ears?
begins with T
The Wife
<_sdc_-> ok, so yeah. i think i set a new land speed record for killing hard drives.
<_sdc_-> it's fucked, and i have a lot of data to back up.
<_sdc_-> like 80 gigs or so.
Ever thought about just like, writing everything down on paper?
It's only 80,000,000,000 or so bytes.
<_sdc_-> yeah, those mp3s will sound great on a nice legal pad.
Winamp for the mind, man.
Looks like Operation Iraqi Freedom is almost over.
Bah, "Operation Iraqi Freedom" is a shit name.
Well what would you call it then?
Why, "Operation Who's Your Baghdaddy" of course.
I hate ugly girls with big tits...because you want to squeeze their tits, but don't want the rest of the body thats attatched to them
thats why paper bags are one of the single best invintions ever.
I prefer plastic...that way she dies and you have a couple days to enjoy them
jeisai: Real Men of Genius. Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages every day to see what they're up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change.
Oh god DAMN it. I listed twenty cardboard boxes on freecycle on Saturday morning. 15 minutes later a guy had come to get them. Two minutes after that I posted that they were gone.
I've gotten THREE DOZEN requests -- a dozen of them so far this morning -- for the god damned boxes.
I felt sorry for the guy - he needed the cardboard boxes to move his wife out.
put her on freecycle
zadijan: CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001, Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name. So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you.
zadijan: ... OH MY GOD
zadijan: THAT WAS THE BEST EMAIL I EVER RECEIVED
zadijan: EVER
handler.: germans like american wrestlers
nos-spec: yeah cause american wrestlers look like german girls
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
I think wet dreams are actually God giving you a handjob for being so good.
==================================
* stigma fingers into dashutri's fluff very slowly, stealing the warmth away
* Dashutri blinks, and turns to ice.
You STOLE my warmth. What did you expect?
===========================
I like this temperature-based designation system we have.
it's good to be hot, and it's good to be cool, but it's not good to be frigid, and it's not good to be flaming.
============================
you never know the true meaning of pacman til you are underaged driving around after curfew with an expired license plate and a broken tailight
=============================
maybe he makes mad love to the penguin
Perhaps Cathy wears a Tux the Penguin suit for him.
And then he "debugs her code" all night long.
cunnilinux
===============================
MySpace is nothing but thousands of people all saying "Does this make my ass look big?" at the same time
===============================
oh my god
i forgot to wipe my ass
brb
===========================
bleh, I'm hungry
Eat a Dick
I wish I was that flexible
==========================
CD-RWs are like.. virigins who never lose their virginity no matter how much you fuck 'em
==========================
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
=============================
We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants
==============================
(bovril): amsterdam is officially the best place ever
(doggie^): how stoned did you get?
(bovril): as stoned as an adulterous arab woman
===========================
She was like, "are you enjoying this"
And I was like thinking, dude, it feels like I'm fucking a bowl of spagetti-Os or something.
============================
*** Mavert changes topic to 'Men are like cement... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
(EviLGirL-) Women are like a carpet... lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever''
==============================
I want to see Clinton versus Rice in 2008 just to see if a 3rd party candidate can win on the "I'm Male" platform
==============================
lemonlimeskull: Check it out. Just had a million dollar idea.
lemonlimeskull: I buy up a bunch of gumball machines and put them in the mall. Hot Topic, coffee shops, etc.
lemonlimeskull: And I fill them with Emo/Goth kid prizes!!
lemonlimeskull: Razors, little folded up sonnets, clip-on lip rings, stuff like that.
peterbilt: Hahahahaha
lemonlimeskull: Some capsules would be filled with tears. Others would be totally empty.
CrimsonJudas: As empty as the depths of my wilted, blackened soul...?
lemonlimeskull: Ideally, yes.
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<@maddox> hehe.. man, Norton Antivirus sucks. All it does it bog everything down, I clicked on the "optimize my computer" setting and it just uninstalled itself.
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ok so im wacking off to a video of two lesbians fucking eachother
then i hear my mom walking down the hall to this room
so i quickly close the video
then she walks in and im sitting with my pants down, left hand around the cock, and she looks at me...then looks at the screen...my desktop was open and had three naked gnomes standing by a fireplace...the look on her face as she left the room will stick with me till the day i die.
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theres a chemical release in ur body after sex that induces sleep
its the bodys natural defense, to keep from talkin to the girl
================================
FireSlash: Fastest apartment tour EVER.
FireSlash: I'm checking out this rather nicely priced place. Manager (or one of his lackys, not shure) walk me into the apartment
FireSlash: First thing he "points out" is how quiet the rooms are, because of the thick walls
FireSlash: So I shout "CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!"
FireSlash: I got one "Yeah!" and one "SHUT THE HELL UP I'M WATCHIN' JUDGE JUDY"
====================================
hey babe asl?
hi, 14/f/aus ^^
ive a real big cock..
o how big??
9in
dats prty big, mines only 8
ok
wait wtf
====================================
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
<@E-vangelist> are asian masturbation jokes shorter?
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I just caught my 15 year old girl, masturbating with a vibrating 'control pad' on a Nintendo Gamecube. Now I am banning this vibrator from my household, but I am concerned about other teenagers who are using these products as masturbation aids.
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(Billy) i met a porno star
(@dura) so DID I!
(PyRoWaRrIoR) I am a porno star
(PyRoWaRrIoR) I didn't get paid though
(PyRoWaRrIoR) and there was no cameras =/
(PyRoWaRrIoR) it was just me, a sheep, and this guy named fred who SAID he knew my dad and my dad said it was ok
(PyRoWaRrIoR) but I didn't believe him
(PyRoWaRrIoR) and my ass still hurts
(PyRoWaRrIoR) and the worst part is
(PyRoWaRrIoR) he never called or wrote
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lol my brother is such a little creep
hes on the phone w/his friend
and he goes to me "can i go online"
me: "no, you're on the phone"
"well, my friend wants to tell me something, and i called him and the lines busy"
me: "NO"
john goes back to the phone "damn, she wont let me on to talk to you"
============================
alright
the world is completely fucked
my neighbour has a "No visitors except by prior arrangement" sign
thing is, I just found out that the bastard's a Jehova's Witness
I wonder if a "No thanks, I'm a Protestant" would work any on my door
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I got two spams today - one for weight loss, and one for penile enlargement. I relplied to both, with cc: and asked if they could work something out to transfer my extra weight to my johnson.
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Windows XP doesn't like admitting it's made a mistake
It doesn't give error messages it just tries to carry on regardless
Its like an embarrassed old man sitting in a pool of his own piss.
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*** Joins: meganpreg ([email])
hi all
hello
meganpreg on #chatzone #chat #netsex #mindspring #CheeseBurger #gameart #gamedev #FSEntertainment #india +#pakistan #xxx
hungry bored pregnant looking-for-sex-chat muslim woman (?) looking to develop interactive media in southern asia while troubleshooting problems with her ISP
lol
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"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
That's only 2 types of people, kow.
STUPID
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[17:10:00] hi
[17:10:17] hello
[17:10:17] hi
[17:10:36] asl plz
[17:11:59] oh why the hell does everyone always ask that, does it really metter what the fuck my asl is, obviously im not a kid and not very femenine so if you planning on hitting on someone just get a baseball bat and knock yourself out cause its the only beating you'll get tonight
[17:13:25] asl
[17:14:20] you dont get it do you, I am not going to answer your friggin asl
[17:14:42] y my dear
[17:15:58] you drink a lot dont you?
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I like chinese, they only come up to my knees...
My boyfriend is half chinese and he is 6 ft 3
so he didnt get the shortness of the chinese
yes he did.......
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#3928 +(8)- [X]
the first time I had an orgasm
i had my dick buried all the way into a stuffed animal
a kangaroo named "Fred"
that so beats my first orgasm story
I was playing with my parents massager
wtf?
and all of a sudden I passed out
it sucked
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Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
I'm going to tattoo two dots on the head of my dick.
then when I cum, my dick will go :o
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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you know something's wrong when you have dreams about eating pudding and you wake up with a spoon in your ass
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<@newt0r> thank god, im atheist
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God it's fucking cold out. The temperature in Massachusetts has dipped into the teens more than R Kelly.
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OnlineHost: Sheila41428 has entered the room.
d00d903: hi there sheila! 17/m/tx wanna cyber?
Sheila41428: sure
d00d903: asl
Sheila41428: 48/f/tx
d00d903: the hell? mom?
Sheila41428: OH JESUS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
OnlineHost: Sheila41328 has left the room.
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9mm: I suppose Steve Irwin should have worn sunblock to protect from harmful rays.
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when I have a fiance
I'm going to get "Will you marry me?" tatooed on the back of my balls
and talk her into a rim job
it'll be soo romantic
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heredocs, theredocs, everwhereadocsdocs
old macdonald had a server farm
He eyed the I/O
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When British police conducted a drug raid during a party at Keith Richards' Redlands estate in 1967, they found Mick Jagger eating a Mars bar out of Marianne Faithfull's vagina.
FALSE
Who hasn't done that?
Oh.
It was a snickers.
i heard thats how you catch genital hersheys
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
I want to get a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I am doing an excellant job driving." Then I can cut people off and they won't know what to do.
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last night i had sex with a model.
O.o
but then the glue melted
and one of the wings fell off.
go figure.
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I WONDER WHAT GOD WAS THINKIN WHEN SHE CREATED THE MAN
I wonder what MAN was thinking when he INVENTED GOD...
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i just discovered a revolutionary way to piss off my neighbor
i can play porn and broadcast the audio out over the frequency of the radio station hes listening to
HAHAHAHA
he cant tell me to turn it down when its HIS stereo
you're an asshole
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Guan Yu: One time I shit myself in a McDonalds.
Guan Yu: So I had to clean myself with my t-shirt. I shoved the shit-covered t-shirt in the tank part on the back of the toliet.
Guan Yu: I came back a year later and the shirt wasnt in the tank. That means somebody removed my shit-smeared DBZ shirt.
Guan Yu: That brings joy to my heart.
===========================
sup4hleet: eh, she's cute and has a rack you could mount a server in
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
i've answered every single penis enlargement email, and the home finance ones, and the inkjet ones. Now I have 500 houses that i owe money on, my penis is long enough to reach all of them, and it shoots inkjet ink.
Mr. Rogers is gone. ;_;
there goes the neighborhood
i found my 1st grey pubic hair the other day It was in a BigMac
hahaha
on the price is right:
"our next prize is: A Super Sucker!" -woman walks out from behind curtain-
-vacuum cleaner emerges a few seconds later-
KompRa: dude, my girlfriend dumped me yesterday..
Ryan808: itll be fine man
KompRa: i got so angry last night i went to her girlfriend and i fucked her all night long
KompRa: and the sad thing.. it was on April Fools' Day
Ryan808: komp, i think your ex was just messin wit you on the breakup thing, april fools
Ryan808: i think u should verify that :\
KompRa: holy shit
*** Joins: Pan`Da` (~[email])
clamp the area between my asshole and testicles with my fingers, the 'taint' as its often called, then i jerk off.. when im about to ejaculate, i can delay it for like 10 secs, then it flies across the room.
Pan`Da`: was that a wrong window?
WTF??
Rovin: MY AUNT WENT OUT WITH IVAN FROM MEN WITHOUT HATS
Shorah: Did they practice safety sex?
lonemalika: The story of how my kitty got her name is funyn
lonemalika: funny*
lonemalika: Back when I lived in Georgia, I was on AOL in a chatroom(yeah, LONG time ago xd)
lonemalika: me and my chatter friends were going spastic over stuff
lonemalika: then my sister goes outside, comes back with a paper lunch bag with two little kittens in it.
lonemalika: Not even 2 weeks old
Trevor: You stole someone's lunch?
Trevor: That's mean.
dmwit: You know, my first year at college they gave me a whistle.
dmwit: They told me it was a rape whistle.
dmwit: But no matter how hard I blew, I never got raped. =(
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
This reminds me of a time back in college, where one of my friends who was really dumb, she was crying one day and i asked her what was wrong. Turns out she broke up with her boyfriend, but she wouldnt say why.
I convinced her to tell me, and apparently she was talking with her other two friends about their boyfriends. one friend was complaining how cold her boyfriends nuts were when she was giving him head, and the other one agreed that her boyfriend's were really cold as well. (their boyfriends names are richard and thomas btw)
So she says she has never given head and the other two encourage her to do it, saying its a 'great way to keep a guy'
Just two days later apparently she ran crying to her friends and they asked her what was wrong, and she said "I tried giving him a blow job, he was enjoying it at first but then he just got up and left and said we were over before i had even finished!"
concerned, her two friends asked her what was wrong.. turns out she said "Wow, your balls are really warm.." and he asked "why? is that bad?" and she goes "oh no its just that richards and thomases' balls are really cold"
lemonlimeskull: Keith dodged a serious bullet thanks to his massive stupidity.
Opium: Hmm?
lemonlimeskull: Well, as you may know he lost his license months ago
lemonlimeskull: So he's been biking everywhere, which has lead to him losing a bunch of weight
lemonlimeskull: He bikes to Walmart today and as soon as he gets to the electronics department, realizes his wallet's fallen out, probably somewhere along the highway.
lemonlimeskull: So he takes the memory card he wanted, puts it up in his baggy sleeve, and goes to leave.
killjay: Uh oh
lemonlimeskull: Yeah.
lemonlimeskull: Naturally, security stops him as he gets within 5 feet of the front doors. This huge obese woman who is obviously having a really bad day - or just hates her job.
killjay: o shit
lemonlimeskull: She stops him, GRABS his arm, RIPS up his sleeve, and WRENCHES the card out of his hand.
lemonlimeskull: He knows he's screwed so he starts crying in the middle of the fucking store. He cries all the way back to the security office, and everyone's staring at him the whole way.
Opium: So he's sitting in jail right now
lemonlimeskull: That's the awesome part. The manager takes a look at him, notices the bike helmet, poorly fitting clothes, lack of any ID whatsoever, and the fact that he's crying like a three year old.
killjay: .... -_-
lemonlimeskull: Yes. He was let go and the security woman got chewed out for hurting a "retarded kid".
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
+______Ric> I wonder what would cause a sixteen year old girl to think she could run me.
+dami> a vagina
chrisg> is it star wars ep. 2 thats got the litte green guy jumpin about fighting and stuff?
grifferz> what you have just asked, is, to a star wars fan, akin to saying, "so, that bible, is that the one where the beardy guy conjures up a heap of fish?" to a christian
Ash> Anybody can get a girlfriend, just like anybody can get a job. Most likely he has a "minimum wage" girlfriend.
|scar> Girlfriend pregnant error, [A]bort, [M]arry, [i]gnore?
scabb> Yeah, you still have to wear condoms when you're having sex with a dead person, otherwise she might give birth to ZOMBIES, who will CONQUER THE WORLD. And that's never a good thing. That's why necrophilia is outlawed.
Quoth> i thought MacOS was a breakfast cereal
+|STE|) Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
+|STE|) The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
+|STE|) Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
+|STE|) The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
IAn553: I love making fun of the Amish online.
Eddie0235: Why?
IAn553: Cause they'll never find out.
Okay, I just watched a guy puke in a glass, then drink it again
Congratulations, you now know how congress operates.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
I have to add this one:
Shhhh, don't tell anyone, but i'm gonna go down on you...
And you're gonna love it...
But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it...
Then i'm gonna come back up again and fuck you, big time...
Lots of love,
Fuel Prices
<_ry0suke_> Select [128kbps 44100Hz 01:02min] Anal Cunt - Your kid commited suicide because you suck
<_ry0suke_> SO DOES THIS ONE STRANGELY
