Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14372
This was taken from a recent article written about me regarding my freaking out that I was getting dumber by posting on and owning BBS's all these years. I then decided to just give in.
Read on:
Thrash Returns: Brain Surgery a Success! Reuters - 09/14/2004 Written by an outside source
Thrash, a popular but controversial poster who has enraged many BBSer's and Mensans alike with his politically incorrect and perverse views, has undergone surgery to bring his thoughts more in line with the mainstream. A team of Mayo Clinic surgeons used scalpels, lasers, and some witnesses say, a .357 Magnum to destroy most of Thrash's brain. While it did not seem to appreciably affect his intelligence, it did render him more affable.
"We weren't sure when to stop removing tissue," said one of the surgeons, who asked not to be identified, "so we just kept going until he suddenly popped upright and yelled 'God Bless Anita Hill! BloodSport for game warden!' ... and that was that; we screwed his skull back on and sent him on his way."
There is some question as to why Thrash would have consented to such an operation. His closest friends--the six Asian women he ordered off a Cherry Blossoms mail-order bride advertisement under various aliases--all agree that he was eager to have the surgery. Apparently, after impregnating all six of the women and then refusing to marry any of them, Thrash began to suffer pangs of conscience, and, not knowing what they were, believed he had a brain tumor.
"We didn't find any tumors," said Ben Dover, the CAT scan technician who ran the initial tests on Thrash at Punkland Hospital, in Guam, "but after a while I got sick of his snide remarks about gays and Melissa sucking dicks like Hoovers and, well I ... we all agreed to do something about it!"
Thrash was immediately flown to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota where his surgery began, some say, on the emergency helipad.
Eyewitness Jack N. Hoff claimed, "They were on him the second that chopper door opened, using them heart reviver shock things on him -- but on his head! Finally, he signed some piece of paper and they strapped him down on a gurney and took off; running and sawing on his head at the same time."
Back at his home in Jacksonville, Florida Thrash seems to be at peace with himself for the first time in a years. "I love you all!", he said, smiling at his cat. "Jennifer Lopez is gonna turn this country around!"
