Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
List as many as you want, but make sure to add a description/how-to.
Strawberry Shortcake - When your woman is going down on you, pull her face back by the hair, punch in her in the nose hard enough to break it, and create love explosion all over the bloody mess.
Baking a Chocolate Cake - This one involves a very willing woman or handcuffs. Some point during sex, extract your fecal matter onto her chestular region, making sure it's a good size. Then, if you aren't already under the sheets, get under the covers, let out a hot, juicy, rank fart and dutch oven your mistress until the heat from your monster fart cooks the shit on her chest into a nice cake of sorts.
Houdini - While doing doggy style with your love, hawk a good sized loogy on her back, but make sure she doesn't hear the noise of you spitting. When she turns around to look at you, assuming you just busted a nut on her back, bust said nut onto her face/hair.
Frozen freight train - Take a nice solid shit (nice and firm but not clumpy). Put it into a bowl and place it in the freeze overnight. The next day, retrieve your frozen shit log and fuck yourself in the ass with it until you cum.
glass bottom boat - Wrap seran wrap around her face and take a shit over her face.
Reverse glass bottom boat - Take a shit on her face than wrap her face in seran wrap.
Blumpkin - Head on the toilet while shitting. Add a nice cold drink and you're set for the whole afternoon.
Riding the Bull - While plowing her from behind, yell out, "I have AIDS!" Then grab onto her mammary sacks as hard as you can and see how long you can stay on.
Alaskan pipe line - freezing said shit in a condom, and fucking the girl with it.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
Here is a fairly extensive compilation of some of the
extraordinary sexual activities that can be performed by men:
1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed
to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep
and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so
that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.
4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this
right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments
before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the
back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,
the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports)
7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the
neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty
wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However,
you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must
gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you
oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek.
It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
10. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.
11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull
back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you
start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The
force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before
you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together.
14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to
do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls,
tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you
attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it
can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is
forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are
available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.
18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use
of the tongue.
19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure
as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all
over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).
22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that
when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails.
23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while
laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.
24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her
ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed
winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and
discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you
stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry
smothers your face.
26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who
has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then
proceed to titty fuck her.
28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal
probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple
knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either
on one finger or on multiple).
29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from
behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to
anythingwhen she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside
so that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
30. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners
face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
31. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while
getting head.
(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible,
but it is definitely worth a try.
32. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's
on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
33. Dutch Oven: Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in
the sack pull the covers over both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
Dirty/Rusty Trombone - Girl blows in your ass hole while rubbing your penis back and forth
The rodeo II: you stick it in her ass, grab her boobies, and say they feel just like your sisters! (say brothers if youve got the balls ;]) and see how long you can stay on.
Cleveland Steamer-While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to s hit on her chest
Western Grip-When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western
The Woody Woodpecker-When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your d ick in her a$$, and then punching her in the back of the head.
The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her a$$ Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing ( i think)
Ray-Bans - Put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.
angry pirate- you're fucking a girl doggy style and u spit on her back so she thinks you came. Then when she turns around you jizz in her eye and kick her in the shin
Dale Earnheart (sorry of mispelt) - Screw a girl from behind, and when done throw her against the wall
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
AUSSIE KISS Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
DOUBLE BASS A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
ETCH-A-SKETCH Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
FREE THE TADPOLES Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.
HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT A vigorous masturbation session.
Tea bag - As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your scrotum in and out of its mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a girl, you shit on its chest. (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl and then moments before you cum, punch it in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that it's asshole tightens up.
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty skank and you know you've got to give it the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around it. Therefore, you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of this situation. Can be very painful.
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a girl is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into its cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As the girl is lying on its back and you are hammering it from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.
Double Fishhook - From the doggy-style position, you hook your pinky fingers in its mouth and pull back to achieve deeper penetration.
The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming its head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Dog in a Bathtub - This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when said-girl is really enjoying it, you grab onto its tits as tightly as possible and yell another girl's name. This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as it tries to buck you off.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give it the money, the inside of its twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down on it, you puke on its box. Happy trails!
Dirty Sanchez - While banging a dog doggy style, quickly stick 2 fingers deep into its starfish, then reach around and wipe the residue on its upper lip, providing it with a man's mustache.
The Blumpkin - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having it suck you off while you're on the shitter.
The Bismark - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to spew, pull out and shoot all over its face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and jism together.
Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch it in the nose while you are getting head.
Woody Woodpecker - While a girl is sucking on your balls, repeatedly tap the head of your cock on its forehead.
The Fish Eye - Working from behind, you shove your finger in its pooper. Thereupon, it turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
The Chili Dog - You take a dump on the girl's chest and then titty fuck it.
Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
The Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a dog from behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let it grab onto anything when it is bent over. Then, drive your hips into its backside so that the momentum pushes it forward. The goal is to push it into a wall or table, or have it trip and fall on it's face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto its hips.
Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over the skank's face and taking a dump.
Ray Bans - Put your nuts over its eye sockets while getting head. You're can is on its forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.
The Snowmobile - When plugging a gitl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
Stuffucking- The act of "stuffing in" your limp, helpless member in hopes of getting it up. Potential causes: you're too drunk or the girl's too ugly. (see also; Fugly)
The Flaming dingo- This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some girl, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your jizz!
Old Jism Trail -The stream of semen oozing down the chin and chest of someone who has just finished fellating a bloke.
Post Poodle Syndrome -The feeling of depression felt after successful removal of a hammerhead. The excitement has passed, and you must now find something else to occupy your time.
The Schnorbitz Maneuver -Using your penis to dislodge an object blocking a choking, slobbering girl's windpipe.
Angry dragon - This involves the girl giving the guy head and as he is about to cum slapping the dog on the back of the head causing the cum to come out its nose. Great care should be used to not slap her mouth shut.
The Walrus - when a girl giving u a blowjob and u cum in her mouth unexpectedly, cover up its mouth and punch her in the stomach.
Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
THE TEABAGGING The all time classic manoeuvre of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase Who's Your daddy?"
THE HOUDINI Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.
THE ANGRY DRAGON Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
CUM GUZZLING SPERM BURPING BITCH The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favourite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
DIRTY SANCHEZ A time honoured event in which while laying the bone doggy-style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin sh1t moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
THE DONKEY PUNCH Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
THE FLAMING AMAZON This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then... extinguish the flames with your jizz!
THE FLYING CAMEL A personal favourite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.
THE SCREWNICORN When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
THE ZOMBIE MASK While getting head from your favourite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
THE TROMBONE This is when the female lies on the deck, face up. You then squat over her face facing her feet. You lower your arse down so that you hoop rests on her lips. She then blows up your hoop, feeds her hand between your legs and wanks you off at the same time. The TROMBONE!
WOLF BAGGING The beginners manoeuvre of waiting until your lover (or wife I suppose)is beginning to orgasm, punch her repeatedly in the stomach. This will induce vomit and screaming. The vomiting will create convulsing, which intensifies her orgasm. The punching and screaming will satisfy your violent rape fantasies. and reinforce your feelings of superiority. Chanting 'I'm the Master, I'm the Master' will add to this feeling. The important thing is your doing it for HER pleasure, which will strengthen her respect for you,and, if she's gobby, will increase your chances of getting a ride from one of her mates
