No replies are necessary. ....I'm kinda relieved the "human remains" thing about David's death is truly ending.
My poor mama, is really burning her candle at both ends. ....she has'nt even HAD a quiet moment, or day to grieve the loss of her friend/brother in law.
All David's friends call HER. .....and she has to talk about it, arrange the "after funeral buffett" get me and Daddy to wear the right clothes. (I wanna wear my pink converse high tops, with black laces and black jeans)
.......When we lived in atlanta.. ...My mom was a bar tender at a biker bar for around 12 years. the bar owner Carol, my mom's BEST FRIEND in the world... .
....I was SO fucking GLAD to see carol show up, the day after we found out he was dying....her presence helps my mom, SO MUCH, I have tears in my eyes writing it. ......she's a damn good friend to mom...and has been for 20 years.
(she's also my aunt's first husband Gary "the coke head's" mom)
...My uncle Robert credited Gary with getting him to quit coke for good, because he cut it so bad, it completely cured any desire he had to EVER do coke AGAIN...LOL!
.......anyway.
My aunt Lindy, and Uncle David, frequented the bar, owned a Harley. ...and all that crap. The Bar does alot of GOOD things...annual blood drives, toys for tots runs...
...(I believe they just like giving blood, because they got drunker that night)
David has ALOT of friends from there....that are gonna come here, sunday along with carol....and carol's daughter....a sister speed freak...who has been clean about the same amount of time as me...so that'll be nice to see her for me.
.....so, sunday, I'm s'posed to be at mom's at 2:00. they are actually closing US1 (the main hwy running thru fagler bitch), for a motorcycle death parade, starting at the sea (AIA) and ending at the church about 7 miles from there....I dunno what else to call it.
....he was cremated.
So, I'll go, since i don't have to see him dead....I would'nt go to Roberts Funeral ...as much as i love him....I did'nt want the memory of seeing his corpse. it's his spirit I love, not the box he came in, and left behind.
....he came and saw me, the night he died, in my dreams anyway.
mom prepared a slide show of David's life, and she is doing the eulogy (sp?) ya know....where she talks about what a great person David was? ....THAT.
she read it to me the other day.....and it's gonna be very emotional...jeez.
......watching biker's cry, in addition to mom and lindy, and his kids lauren, and travis
(travis is David's blood son, lauren was an infant, when lindy left the cokehead, and had her name legally changed to david's by her choice... ....DAVID is her dad in her eyes....Gary, is the cokehead...LOL!)
Even now that he's in his 50's, he never grew out of doing coke, like mom lindy daddy, david and robert did, (I dunno if he'll be there, he prolly will)
But, this thing has been awful hard on mom . ..........she loved David SO much, and Lindy is her little sister.... my mother took on the role of grandma, to lindy, when she died. ..........sometimes, mom is as much lindy's mom as she is mine.
Mom feels Lindy, Lauren, and Travis's Pain, so deeply....
....so do I....but, mom REALLY REALLY does... to the point of it being scary to me, for her well being.... ....if she has nothing to worry about, she'll borrow something.
she's a worrier, an enabler, a guardian, and just the most WONDERFUL person, and friend....you could EVER hope to have. ....even if she was'nt my mom.....her generosity, resilience, empathy, and LOVE is just astounding and extraordinary.
....MOM is what is just ripping my soul apart, because of her pain... it puts even David's death in the shadow of it, even tho it's the cause.
david is not in pain anymore.
....MOM IS.
THAT is busting my ass up. .......I have been going to Lindy's house, helping her move.
(actually, I move, lindy is a fluff chick, and mom is mom, so me and travis do it)
That part is very, very hard... .....it's the last place i saw David "OK" ....I helped him move in, of coarse. I have a van, so, whoever moves...
.................guess who gets an invitation, I can't refuse?
*smiles*
My parents run a self storage place, so we've been moving shit to a storage unit till she finds a place to
...............MOVE IT AGAIN! lol!
My fucking ASS is KILLING me... ...it's 4 flights of stairs! ..LOL!
My job requires heavy lifting, so, I'm a strong little bitch....but, my big fat ass, is usually not involved....
......at work...we are stocking for xmas.....and the way it works, is, we are called "the flow team"
.....we flow the merchandise in the door, and thruout the store.
we unload the truck, it comes down a conveyer belt, and you put the apporpriate numbered boxes, on the pallets behind you.
......USUALLY, almost always... I am a "bowler" ....meaning....the pallets, with boxes of stuff are brought out, and put at the end of the isles, of their general stocking destination after they are loaded up.... ....and replaced with another pallet to fill.
I take each box, load as much as i can fit into a shopping cart, and drop it exactly where the destination location, of the product, is to be stocked.
....the reason it's called bowling, is, if it's not breakable, we slide it down the isles.
and for some reason, I'm good at this shit.
THEN...
....we (the flow team) start at isle 1 in target, and we FLOW, as a team, thruout the entire store.....UNTIL EVERYTHING IS STOCKED.
....just because my schedule says 10 pm to 6 am....does'nt mean I actually LEAVE then, UNLESS the truck has been worked, and we all leave together.
what's weird, is I go by color. ...and I'm faster than the bar code people , or at least AS FAST.
I back up from the isle.... hold the item up...and match it's color.
..to find where it goes.... ...if I have'nt memorized it yet.
I've always gotta be different.. ....but, they don't care as long as it gets there.
so, yeah, you can say, "I'm tired. I wanna go" ....but, you get HOURS and RESPECT, for being among "the last men standing"
so, it's kind of an endurance contest.... ....and it's very fast paced, and I can hold my own.
it turns out...everyone HATES to stock cosmetics, especially the men, but not excluding, the women.........
it's very tedious, and the product goes in these snug displays...
........so you can easily knock down the whole fucking shelf's merchandise .....like dominoes....
...and it's MY favorite thing to do. so, they put me there....to stock cosmetics, while the flow team stocks pets, and sporting goods...
.....they say, I'm the fastest mother fucker they ever saw at it. and they are damn glad, they don't have to do it.
........so, I'm alone a couple hours, and meet up with the flow team again, usually in toys.... .........and we all continue together....
this morning, I got off work at 9:00 am.
.....any way. that's what I am doing these days.... ....that's where I've been, and why my on line hours are so weird.
I just wanted to tell you, why I'm gone so much, and the conclude the story of David's death.
Imma go shit, shower and shave...get some chow.. .....and, be back to read you's in an hour or so...before I go to the flow.
well that was the saddest freaking thing on earth. ....the funeral was....good, for funerals. he was a biker, so we all met down the street for the funeral like 50 other bikers, friends showed up... ...to ride down US1
I saw David there 3 times. ....there's all these bikers and loved ones....outside, talking, waiting for the police escort.
I heard him laugh, and turned around and saw him walking away. ....and I saw his face 2 other times THERE in the woods where we met up
but, not at the church.
they did the slide show of pictures of the fold.
...the soldiers did the sad bugle song...
2 eulogys...
it was overwhelmingly sad sometimes...and I had to go outside and separate myself from it.
and there was a good turn out, to support each other he had a lot of friends.
Booooring (and long). Don't you have a fuckin livejournal or some shit where you can post your typical-female-mental-overdrive snoozefest novella? I mean, wow, I can't fucking fathom thinking that much, even with the amount of amphetamines in my system. Glad I'm a dude. Most detailed thought of the day so far: Figuring what my piles of co-pay have added up to and what other shit I need to throw money at (and I wont give you the boring details of said thought, but it was probably as long as this paragraph).
Edited Mon Dec 08 2008, 02:04pm
You say that like I've ever been compassionate. Maybe I'm just young, immature, and surprisingly jaded. Don't. Give. A. Fuck.
Edited Mon Dec 08 2008, 02:28pm
Oh I really hope so, cuz I'm sure that when all seems hopeless for me, an insult that a middle-aged ginger posts on an internet message board will be what pushes me over the edge!
Oh I really hope so, cuz I'm sure that when all seems hopeless for me, an insult that a middle-aged ginger posts on an internet message board will be what pushes me over the edge!
