...thrash asked if my friends and I would educate people who are intrested in a really, real, no bullshit, thread on addiction and drugs in general.
If any one wants to ask questions or post answers to this topic. ...I spent my life studying, in the school of hard knocks. spase is also a great sorce for "right on" info.
if you care to know the truth about what it's like living "the life" or doing certain drugs, just ask.
I'll tell ya.
for my first post on the subject here. I'll attempt to show you a window to saftly look into hell without having to actually go there.
like taking a picture of hot humid florida, on an august afternoon, ....framing it, and putting it in a comfortable room to view.
Edited Wed Feb 28 2007, 07:19am
...........back in 1995, when "semi charmed kinda life" was popular, I was 31 my ex was 21.
....he had never tried speed.
I had just come off my metaphysics kick, and had no dope connection, I wanted to be a purest for a couple months at the time when I met him.
we were together 10 months ...when I relized he never tried it, ....I wanted to do it with him, the experiance was one I thought would make a lasting impression. .........I was right! I did'nt bottom out at this point of my life yet, till this point I stopped and started with minimal issues, ........ I would use two months, quit two months for 10 years or so. I never lost everything to it before, I did'nt know what would happen. ................I thought it was a GOOD thing.
Meth, is a sexual motherfucker! .....it makes you so horny you could fuck the crack of dawn! if you had sex crime tendencys and did it, you'd fuck your victim to death with a super natural throbbing hard on from hell.
Guys walking by me would stop in the street to look at suzette, .....it was extreme, because I was'nt trying, I'd be at work, serving, dressed completely, and the reactions were..... well,... dramatic sometimes. I'm not permiscuous. I dress like a tom boy or a retro hippie most of the time. ...apparently, ferrmones are pouring out of me when i use, I'm not conceded, I'm average at best...
at first women are radient, before meth rot of corse!
....It makes everything sensitive,..yet a BOLD sensitive, not tickilish, but drivin, your erection is two inches bigger and pounding...veins straining.
ORGASM is amazingly intense, hard, long, complete, lockdown and slide sideways multiples that last as long as 20 minutes each (per individual orgasm)... ...................so for hours you can get off. I thought I would be retarded afterwards sometimes they were so intense!
..............ya feel me?
it ruins you for a very long time. ...sex is very lame after it, till you get used to the 10 or 20 second ones. you feel so desensitized. ..........don't try it at home kids.
....anal sex becomes popular for men, and some women. because your asshole gets extremly alive with sensitivity....thrash...heh!
......................I wanted to really have fun with him we were soooo in love!
his mother was killed infront of him in a car wreck at 4yrs old. ....I never had kids! I had alot of love and nurturing to give and he really needed it, he was a sweet heart, his spirit still is, but he's very afraid of being abandoned, and being the butt of a joke.
the meth increased these feelings a million fold in the corse of 8 months when we found it cheap and plentiful.
.....20 dollars a gram....*sigh* ed mcman may as well have backed a flatbed up to my apt. loaded with it. ........................It was very affordable and very strong.
we stayed up 14 days on ice. ....slept four, repeat for almost a year. and shit started getting bad for both of our mental states. ...I finally could'nt pay rent, and rockets (I worked there for 11 years then) I would st6ay up days and not be able to find keys, clothes, money, dope, me and my BF were fighting.
it made him suspicious, weary, paranoid, locked inside himself. .......whoa christ!
I would clean and draw, arrange , and fuck. because I used it as a tool for my adhd....I had alot of hobbies and ideas ...you know how I am. my house looked like you picked it up and shook it. we had fucking destroyed it.......
........when I moved in with my parents. we looked like we just came out of a natzi POW camp.
.......he liked it, and you know my story.
we lost everything in a mushroom cloud of flamboyant flailing and obviously something to do with being high on something.
crazy, skinny, scattered, chunked!
when we cleaned up. he told me, he liked "sweet suz" better than "suzette". .....that it would drive us insane, and break us mentally. he convinced me to stop forever... ......and I did it too, because I thought his love for me, would last longer than my love for speed..
...so on the third year of sobriety...we decided to move to vegas. where I stayed clean for three more years, he was in 2 car wrecks in three years, that were both head trama shit. they found scar tissue, he became abusive, then I left him.
I went back to atlanta and worked for rockets again, as a singing dancing waitress. I ran into an old BF from high school, I dated him for 2 years when I was 18 thru 20 years old. .......both of us wanted to use again, so we did. it was great to observe the learned behaivior from 20 to 40, he knew what I looked like naked at 20 I was 38, he made me feel 20 tho.
*smiles*
My ex called me from vegas wanting me to come back, and I told him I was seeing someone else.
so, we (the new/old one) got into all this bondage and games, I learned alot about myself then.... it was great!
....untill the psychosis set in.
It spiraled out of control, and the place I worked closed....the owner was too old to continue.
I helped him close it, and went home to mom the first time.
.........that was when I saw a shrink. was diagnosed ADHD, .......came home looked up insanity on the puter, and found the asylum. I talked to them a few months...
my ex from vegas started calling me here, saying he was crazy, and the dr. put him on meds...anti depressants. ....he was sorry. so, I told the asylum I was going back to vegas.
He was a sound tech at the sahara hotel. ....I picked him up from work, and a show girl came in and accused ME of taking her wedding ring,
he lost his job, .....since then, they proved she was lying for insurance scam reasons, she was banned from all casino's
......and he started doing crack and meth, apparently he got into it while I was gone.
I held two jobs for almost a year, my ex never worked the whole time..... .........................................................................................................
almost done but not quite...the worst is yet to come...
