Joined: Wed Feb 28 2007, 12:14am
Location: Under Your Mom's Meat Flaps!
Posts: 14373
wrote ... 10 stupid things to say in court
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to? A: Oral.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?
wrote ... LAPD, CIA, FBI Rivalry
The heads of the CIA, FBI, and the LAPD were in a conference with the president of the United States. They couldn't accomplish much, however, because of their incessant rivalry with regards to which agency could apprehend suspects the most efficiently and quickly.
The president decides to settle it once and for all by releasing a rabbit into the woods and timing the results of the agencies as a test of efficiency.
The CIA places several animal informants in the woods and after eighteen weeks of deep cover questioning of all the animal, plant and mineral witnesses, they conclude that the rabbit has fled to a foreign country and that they need arms to trade with Columbia in order to get cooperation with extradition efforts.
The FBI surrounds the woods with its own agents and those of the ATF after reports that the rabbit has armed himself and is operating a militia using the woods as a hub of operation. After four weeks of frustation and standoff they rush the woods without warrants and accidentally burn down the whole damned woods with a malfunctioning tear gas canister, killing 112 rabbits, several hundred animal hostages and innocent onlookers. They insisted, however that the rabbit had it coming because they had given him ample time to give himself up.
The LAPD sent four uniformed officers into the woods and in less than an hour returned with a badly beaten black bear who was screaming Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit.
The president gave up.
wrote ... We all rook arike?
A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed, climbed into bed, and went at it. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and commenced a repeat performance.
The hooker was impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and started again!
The hooker was amazed at this sequence. During the fifth encounter, she decided to try it herself. When they were done she jumped up, went to the window and took a deep breath of fresh air, dove under the bed to find
